Finally, it has happened to me

They said I was crazy.

They said it was a waste of a corner.

They said it would never work.

They said I would be better off working out a ‘normal’ routine, and maximising my percentile chances of netting a goal via graphs and pie charts and the like.

They sent me videos of Pep Guardiola scoffing at the idea that any football player should shoot from more than two yards out.

They said…

They said that THIS could never happen:

It happened at approximately 18.30 last night, Bank Holiday Monday (for what that’s worth).

They probably heard my yell of delight next door. Which is small revenge for all the shrieking and howling that their children have been doing all through lockdown, but god bless them, the cheeky little freckled urchins.

The player was Ward, who is my Youth promotee from Season 1 who is on his way to becoming not just a) my most important player because of the way he opens up the wing and creates chances (he has 99 for Agility and Acceleration), but b) one of my greatest players in football gaming ever. I’m focusing on Training him up in shooting as it remains one of his weak points.

I caught this volley sweet as a nut.

Timing is everything in FIFA shooting, and my timing was perfect here, for once. All the hundreds of miscued attempts at this have taught me well. You cannot really store up your shots in advance, as you can in PES (most notoriously in the case of PES2017’s heading, where you could press Shoot several whole seconds in advance of the ball arriving on your player’s bonce, and the game would kindly remember it for you).

As can be seen this goal made the score 2-2. I had been 2-0 down in this match. The excitement of this goal knocked me out of my stride and I went on to concede a sloppy late goal and lose the match 3-2. But it didn’t matter. I had got what I came for. I’ve been trying to score this goal from Day 1 on FIFA20.

As a postscript, here is the first goal I scored in that match, when it was 2-0.

Zlatanovic with a finesse-clipped long-ranger. This is an arguably ‘better’ goal than Ward’s corner volley (I don’t think it is, but it arguably is):

Need I say that FIFA20 is the springtime gift that keeps on giving?


Updated: 26th May 2020 — 11:57


  1. Congrats!! It had to come sooner or later, the percentages dictated that the amounbt you try it, it was gonna go in at some point.

    Great finish though.

    I see you have reverted to using the default ‘online Sk1ll3rz K1dZ’ style side on camera, its awful, I hate it, you lose so much detail and stadium immersion and every video just looks like yet every other YT video with that camera.

  2. Paul – still haven’t managed to get the new Broadcast mod working, no matter what. I have fiddled and twiddled and nothing is taking. I know you’ve got it going so it is me, but at some point I always think I’d better get on and play and I quite like the default camera actually, it seems to open up the view more, a better sense of direction for crosses etc. Of course I can just revert to te previous Broadcast mod which I assume will still work, might do that later. You might remember from PES I like a different camera angle once in a while – that’s the great thing about the mod really, that it is different on a per-stadia basis.

    Loved the goal, just loved it. As I remark in the post, many another goal might be ‘better’, but this is my faourite of FIFA20 so far. Not just because of the goal but because of the player too. Ward is going to be a star. Already is.

  3. NG – Thwack! What a beauty. I wonder when the next one will be……

    Paul – Thanks for the stadium banner info. I wonder if there is a list anywhere online of the stadiums that have team banners.

  4. Keith – having got one, I will probably scale down the % of volley attempts from about 90% of all corners to 50% or so. Or maybe come up with a new quest for a volley – there’s often a free player (the opposite side full back) lurking about 2-3 yards outside the corner of the far side of the box from the corner taker’s POV. Imagine how spectacular that would be. I’ve had a few goes at this variant but it’s difficult to get a shot away with the ball being in the air for so long, the AI players tend to either intercept the ball or block the shot. Given the right circumstances it’s definitely possible though…

  5. NG – the mod i sent you the link to? as long as you’re on the right version of the game, if you have updated to the very latest version then it wont work, i will have to send you the new version, but if you are still on Tu14, the version of the game that was current when i sent you the mod, then it should work fine, mine does via the usual method of just clearing mod data and importing and applying.

    keith, as I said, if you are on PC, use RDBM to get the database up and theres a table with all the stadium elements in, think its teamsponsorlinks table.

  6. NG – two brilliant goals there and my favourite was the first one but for all the reasons you give I can understand why the corner goal is your favourite so far.

    This year is turning into an epic gaming year for me. At the beginning of the year I completed Death Stranding and am now halfway through MGS5 having put in 65 hours game time. I will definitely be seeing this to a conclusion and then who knows what will happen after that. What virus?

  7. NG-GET IN!! BOOM!!

  8. 2 great goals both have their merits but you cant beat a volley!

  9. Congratulations. Surprised Paul didn’t query the next door comment – doesn’t everyone have a moat?

    Noticed werd creeping back last post, or it’s another government plot to cover up his recent demise. Anyway, for you me old china – I’m deeply into modded Skyrim now. Some of the bugs patched (there are still loads) better npc interactions (but still some ridiculous ones), playing as honest wood elf doing odd jobs and no frigging dragons. I’ll likely add some more mods in the future but it’s still good enough to mean I’ve yet to get past the first hour of the Witcher game.

    And for anyone who doesn’t know the area – Durham to Barnard castle is a bit of a sod of a road. Lots of roundabouts, a few tight bends, you go through numerous small places. I once saw a car hit a tree after taking a corner too quickly. In short, not the road to test out your eyesight. Like doing the cresta run to see if your new hat would stay in place.

  10. Turf – I used to live in Catterick, many trips to Barnard Castle and Richmond back in the day.

  11. Lloyd – army dad? Or army you? I used to go to catterick as a rep and it always slightly unnerved me. It’s probably nothing odd if you live in a new town but there’s something just really strange about how it’s laid out and the type of shops they have. Was in Richmond in feb and it’s very nice still – weathered a bit better than a lot of market towns in austerity. Barnard castle has never been ‘a beauty spot’ imho. But they did have a very odd specialist rug shop – I wandered in once and was immediately asked if I knew anything about carpets. Seriously expensive hand made Iranian weaves and the like. It was all a bit Clive barker.

  12. Turf-still going(spirit only) kids are taking their toll now. I finally downloaded the fallout dlc and it’s opened things up nicely. Witcher never caught me either. The camera angle or something. A pimped skyrim sounds tasty.

  13. Turf – army dad. Was there from 80-83.

  14. Extended highlights of Carabao Cup Final.

  15. Cheers all and it felt at the time like the kind of goal that defines the whole game. I remember my Goals of the Year for most football games and this one has a chance of being The One for FIFA20.

    Uncle Turf (or any Skyrimmer, oo-er etc) – I’ll be taking a toddle around Skyrim in a forthcoming week off work in June, and of course on the PC platform it must be the most lovingly modded game ever. No idea what mods to get. I think I already have another Life installed, which drops the character into any of a number of other starting scenarios than the celebrated ‘coming around on the back of the wagon on the way to the execution’ scene, and I think I’ll go with one of those other starts. But what other ‘realism’ focused mods are best.

    The interesting thing wth the Barnard excursion story is how so many seem to genuinely believe it’s a credible excuse, rather than the transparently reverse-engineered desperate ‘what reason can we come up with to justify the jolly’ thing that it is. Fascinating to see and hear so many conservative commentators doggedly insisting that it’s credible when it’s such a cock and bull story. Ideology affects thought. Once again this virus crisis shows us exactly what the psychology of life in 1930s Europe was like. Can’t wait for the Second Wave! I genuinely believe that it’ll be August 2021 before we see a football match take place with a crowd again.

    Darryl – I envy you, as my work has had very limited work from home opportunities. I don’t now what to suggest after MGS5. If the game has piquéd your interest in the Metal Gearverse then there’s no better place to start than MGS1 which must be playable in some form on the PS4 or at worst any PC you have laying around. If you can look past the graphics it’s arguably the most Metal Geary Metal Gear of them all.

    Werd – Witcher never caught me for much the same reason that I’ve bounced off Skyrim a couple of times now – the combat for one, and the anxiety-inducing quests within quests within quests within quests. I still have a pimped-out Fallout 4 save to finish that I started 2 years ago next week. I remember because it was just before the 2018 World Cup. Or The Last World Cup as our Mad Max-style descendants may know it.

    Paul – I have had Origin offline for a week to prevent the update routine (a bit of a chore on PC, still a price well worth paying, but I still like to put it off).

    In happy news I’m upgrading to gigabit internet, should go live after 1am tonight.

    Gary – a long-range volley from a corner… pressed EVERY pleasure button I have!

    Lloyd – about t watch your vids over dinner

  16. Lloyd – encouraging to see that somebody else has as much trouble with the aiming reticule for penalties as I do!

  17. Crikey! An aiming reticule for penalties in FIFA 20. That hasn’t been in previous versions. Wonder where they got that idea from. Still loving FIFA 19 in Serie B. Tried to go the short route by starting in Serie A but the game and my poor skills thwarted that plan. Preferred the goal from the corner NG because I presume it’s much more uncommon than the finesse shot type goal. TBH, I wonder how many FIFA players have ever even tried that corner kick strategy. I know I haven’t.

  18. NG – We do have an XBox One as it is mainly used by the little one in the daytime. The best thing with the X Box is that you have more options to play older games and I think some of the older MGS titles are on there.

  19. NG – it can be a bit wobbly sometimes. I think the added pressure of a last minute penalty to win the cup may have added to it somewhat. Really loved that final, cracking game, best game I’ve had on any footy game for years. Bring on Europe.

  20. NG – PS4 doesn’t have another life, some folk have tried ‘mage start’ and the like but sadly the most celebrated mod can’t be done. There are so many others though, I wanted to see what the unofficial patch did first and it by no means fixes everything, and in fact seems to make one or two things worse. The overhaul of npc conversations is great and I like the idea of increasing the size of some of the crappy towns. Even though I’ve done the main quest and the civil war I other saves I know there is a lot left I simply haven’t found. It just becomes annoying to still get radiant quests you don’t want (a mod fixes that!)

    And yes, of course the trip was retro fitted to provide a reason but didn’t you think the journalists in the garden were absolutely hopeless? No research as to the excursion distance/route to barnard castle (one of them even said castle barnard) which would have highlighted its ridiculousness, repeating the same question as had been asked, no ability to change tack if the answer had just been given. And that table?! It was like the woodwork teacher manning the entrance to the school disco.

  21. In other Cummings news, have you heard his Nostradamus like claim of predicting Covid 19 on his blog? Then it turns out that by using the Wayback Machine it was shown the reference was added retrospectively. Turns out it was edited on the day he returned to London. It just gets weirder.

  22. It’s just all ridiculous Bullshit.
    Testing his eyesight? seriously? That’s the best a grown adult who works as a senior figure in the government can come up with??!

    Ok, firstly, why would he all of a sudden one day wake up and need to test his eyesight? Did he develop some weird rare loss of sight condition between going to bed one night and waking up the next morning? And I’m pretty damn certain that if 99.99999999% of the population woke up and suddenly had fears for their eyesight, they would, immediately choose to see a doctor, go to A&E or some form of walk-in emergency centre, either way, they would seek medical assistance ASAP.

    What they would 1 trillion percent absolutely NOT do is think “Oh my eyesight suddenly isn’t what it should be, I know, I’ll pack my COVID19 isolating kids and wife into a car and to test my eyesight I’ll then drive 25 miles across country to a castle, breaking lockdown rules issued by the very gvernment I work for, just to make sure i can see ok”

    Oh, and this mysterious sight loss condition and the subsequent 25 mile drive to test it, just happened to occurr on his wife’s birthday, what a strange coincidence.

    They must think all the public are incognescant 4yr olds with no logical intellect, and to still hammer home the same story and claim he did nothing wrong, and for that bumbling honey monster to continually back him is so absurd and ridiculous that its actually bordering on amusing.

    This country has never been more fucked.

  23. BANG!!!! PICK. THAT. ONE. OUT!!! My favourite thing in the entire clip not-Greg was your manager avatar starting to celebrate but then suddenly turning round to the crowd with a few choice comments to the factions who had doubted his tactics.

    Agree entirely with the comments on Cummings and that the interesting thing is that the burden of proof seems to be on us. Unless someone can actually prove that his plainly absurd story is indeed all lies then we should just accept that he sort of followed the rules and trust the cabinet and him to get on with running the country. Bizarre. Never liked the character at all, very much in the chip-on-the-shoulder second rate university mould

  24. I’m peeved with Cummings because he might have spoiled my recent fun. For the past 8 weeks or so I’ve constantly run into people who are in the habit of saying ‘I think Boris is doing a good job’. My favourite thing then, and it’s GREAT fun, is to instantly ask them for 1 – just 1 – concrete thing to back that up. There isn’t 1 single thing that can support the claim of doing a good job, of course. (Highest numerical death toll in Europe, 2nd highest in the world, care home catastrophe, etc. etc.) Almost without fail, they look utterly lost and confused, because of course there isn’t a single thing that supports the claim, and the perception ‘Boris is doing a good job’ is an unexamined piece of social conditioning. It’s like deprogramming a Moonie. ‘Well I don’t think Corbyn would have done any better!’ is the best they come up with. That’s literally all they’ve ever got. No facts to point to or actual decisions to praise. Intrested to see if Cummings has spoiled my fun, but I have a delicious sense that he won’t have, and the strange spectacle will continue of working class people thinking an Eton toff who is bumbling through a crisis that nearly killed him, is doing a good job.

  25. I dont think any of us are under the illusion that the govt are doing ‘a good job’ however the statement of ‘Corbyn/labour wouldn’t have done any better’ is also 100% true.

    Corbyn was the most indecisive, meak, weak, excuse for a ‘leader’ this country has ever witnessed, and had Labour been in power, I wouldnt be suprised if the death toll was double and we still had’nt gone into any form of lockdown.

    The facts are, no govt has had to deal with anything of this nature ever, its unprecendented, and there are no strict regimented practices and processes for dealing with akiller virus that even the top scientists know nothing about, so yeah, Boris and his clan have been shocking, but so would anyone else have been, those are the facts.

  26. Lloyd – loved the highlights, great match. Your ex star striker Ben Brereton playing for Liverpool must have added an extra frisson. Coincidentally my Exeter team came up against him for the first time last night, up front for Napoli in the Europa League, he scored a header before going off injured. Napoli, who also had Oli Mcburnie as striker, were incredibly tough, probably better than anything in the EPL. Just scraped through on away goals with a lot of luck, a superb diagonal dipping effort from RB Galeano in the last few minutes, which also gave me a ‘What a Shot!’ PS4 trophy

  27. come off it Paul, 170 governments around the world have had to deal with this thing simultaneously and objectively some have done a far better job than others with Johnson at the bottom of the pile along with the likes of Trump, Bolsanaro and Putin. Personally believe that things would have turned out better under Corbyn as he did seem to care about society as a whole rather than just looking after his Eton cronies. But impossible to prove either way

  28. Paul – an alarming amount of people very much are under the illusion that ‘Boris’ (he’s weirdly their mate) is doing a good job, and will frequently say so, out loud, in my vicinity, which is when I have my fun. None of them can cite one single thing to support their claim. Why do they think it? They don’t know. They just do. Almost all of them go for the Corbyn Manoeuvre, as if that on its own is the decider. It is fascinating how ‘Boris is doing a good job’ is such a feature of people’s minds, without any justification or support at all. Brainwashing.

    abbeyhill – that was a great touch as I habe had an iffy start to the season on World Class, one good result followed by two bad ones. No league table in the above post as it was still so near the start of the season, but I’m now about 12 league matches in (the Europa slos everything down) and closer to the bottom than the top.

  29. I do agree with Paul on this one. I think Boris has done a lousy job and this government have been wanting in every aspect. I don’t think Corbyn would have done any better either. Look at the position he was in back in 2017 with May at such a week point. He had an open goal right in front of him but failed to score. Then later on when Boris sacked a bunch of MP’s the Tories had a minus majority. Yet still Corbyn didn’t capitalise. It took him 3 years to come up with no position on Brexit. I say this as a life long Socialist and Labour supporter. If it was Corbyn in power we would be still waiting for Conference to vote on the official name we should call the virus.

  30. Corbyn isn’t relevant to whether or not Alexander Johnson (his real name) has done a good job. I only wanted to point out that it’s interesting none of those who think ‘Boris’ has done a good job can muster even a vague attempt at an actual concrete reason why.

  31. Corbyn is wholly relevant to the discussion though, as Darryl rightly said, his meak, clueless, indecisive nature lead to him losing the election by a jawdropping majority when he had so so many chances to absolutely walk it, but he didnt, because the public could see he was a wishy-washy incompetent fool who had no grasp on modern day society, and could never answer a question or produce a decision, drive through restaurants must be the bane of his life.

    Even if Keir Starmer had been in power with Labour for when this all kicked off, he wouldn’t have donr any better, guaranteed.
    The reason the Uk as Abbeyhill wrongly highlighted has done so ‘poorly’ is because it has one of the busiest airports, seaports and trade routes in the entire world, its the 20th most populous country in the world, there are far more people coming and going every single day int and out of the country than alot of other countries, and when you look at the death toll figures for other more populous countries such as Brazil, India, Mexico, etc, their figures are lower but do not include any deaths outside hospital, whereas the Uk now does, so they are totally non comparable.

    There are certain countries, Germany etc that have definitely done better, but no government was going to go into absolute meltdown and shut everything, all retail leisure, travel at the first sniff of what many thought was a bad flu, the Uk had to wait and see how it developed, and it developed alot faster than most thought it would,

    I dont think Boris and his goonies have done a very good job at all, at times its been farsical, but i also know no other government party in the Uk would have done any better at all, and its completely pointless, and irrelevant to sit there and criticise others when you haven’t dealt with it yourself.

  32. ‘The Emperor’s new clothes’ types of scenarios interest me very much, and this is one of them. When called upon to cite one single decision to support the ‘Boris is doing a good job’ claim, there simply isn’t one. That’s all I wanted to say. People just seem to like the bumbling stage act and that’s enough for them. Johnson has objectively failed, but ‘Boris’ is the new Churchill in many people’s eyes, and that is fascinating.

  33. NG – indeed I get what you was saying about Boris and people are seeing through that now as you only have to see his popularity ratings to back this up.

  34. I think becaus epeople in general had the intelligence to understand that he was doing the best job he could with what resource he had in a time that was unprecendented, doesn’t mrean he was doing a good job, just that he was doing what he could, maybe a bit of a sympathy vote.

    All that has fallen away now because of his handling of the Cummings situation, they set rules, he broke them, selfishly, tried to lie his way out of out, looked ridiculous, and Boris backed him thus making himself look like a liar and promoting the ‘us and them’ situation.


  35. Sorry guys, you’re all missing the real story here….at what point did not-Greg grow the lockdown Van Gogh beard?

    Previous avatarial not gregs have been of the sinister, lex luthor style clean shaven genius type. Who is this bald Ben stokes would be?

    The castle at barnard is pretty shit tbh – one of those falling down ‘imagine what was here’ efforts rather than a Caernarfon or even Durham castle itself.

    Abbeyhill – were you a Cambridge man? Second rate university comment seems a tad loaded.

  36. Well Greetings Gentlemen,I got a PS4 after a years break….please suggest a good option file for a ML…I l start with pes 2020 .Lets see how many seasons it lasts.Also i intend to play my fav pes i.e pes 2014 on lappy .The trouble is its not there on steam in my region…what are my options and any recommended pathch for that.Blog is pretty enjoyable even though its FIFA 🙂


  37. new post up on FIFAFX

  38. All goals up to this season. Caught up at last.

  39. nG – Sunk over 400 hours into Skyrim on the ps3 way back when, having picked up the game on a whim knowing nothing about it. One of the best games I’ve ever played. Picked up the pc version some years later and sunk a load more hours into it. I still have my save somewhere on the pc, but this was back when some of the mods were unstable and I over-did it and ballsed-up my save. Picked up the remastered ps4 version but couldn’t get into it again.

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