Sniffing FIFA’s butt

The latest in my series of spoken-commentary vids is here – this time it’s FIFA16 getting the on-mic treatment:

A longer 22-minute clip here. I go more in-depth than I have before on my musings re. FIFA and about football gaming in general.

The bullet points for those unable to watch and listen for any reason:

  • I like my team’s kit to be as different in colour from the other team’s as possible. Nothing worse than accidentally starting a match where you’ve got two teams in too-similar kits.
  • I’ve played about 6 matches in a FIFA16 Career Mode since PES2014 stopped last week. This match on display here is the 7th (or so).
  • I enjoy a nice cup of tea.
  • The match features several goals, each one interesting in different ways.
  • Let’s Play-style vids (of which this is undeniably one) frequently irritate me when the speaker is distracted by on-screen action and then forgets to pick up the thread of whatever he was previously talking about. I promise to try not to do that…
  • …but I do do it at least once. Perhaps you’ll notice when.
  • I possibly mispronounce Marcus Tudgay’s surname in an amusing way.
  • FIFA16, like PES2016, is a no-fouls football game. I deplore the way things seem to be going.
  • At least FIFA16 doesn’t have those preposterous, no-consequences, long-range slide-tackles that so disfigure the gameplay on the PES side of the fence.
  • I invent an amusing new thing, with which I am Well Pleased, that I call ‘I like FIFA, but…’ Which explains today’s post title.

On Friday, I’ll have a regular post about my recent roaming along the football game hallways. E.g. I scored a great goal in PES2011 that I’ll post and rave about specifically. The normal business of the blog, in other words.

But I’ll try to do one of these special spoken-word things once a week for the next month or two – time and technicalities permitting.

For anybody who missed it, in the previous post’s comments thread I invited commenters to nominate football games that I will play with live spoken commentary, as above.

I’ve already collected the nominations, which currently stand at:

Football Manager (original Kevin Toms version)
2010 FIFA World Cup
FIFA98: Road to the World Cup
This Is Football

At least one of the above list will prove difficult to get and/or difficult to record, and might not come to pass, so I collected plenty of nominations to fill the gaps.

Nominations are now closed and the list above is the final one.



  1. Try left shoulder button when you pass in FIFA to zip the ball around a bit quicker.

  2. Chris99 – I’ve reassigned most of my buttons and ‘pass with purpose’ is L2 for me. I have used it but didn’t in this vid – I forgot about it. I always feel distracted by the need to talk, and never really play properly in these. So the game(s) don’t look as good as they could in my hands. I might not do the next one live, just record myself talking over it afterward.

  3. Another great vid n-G. Really enjoying this new audio you!

    I took particular interest as I too have started a FIFA 16 career. Playing as Colchester on Professional but manual passing (you wimp!) I managed to win a pre-season tournament despite some performances on a par with England’s last night. Okay, maybe not that bad!

    I used the cash to but Akinfenwa from Wimbledon (had him in my Dons CM in FIFA 15 PS3) and one or two other free signings.

    The presentation and atmosphere of FIFA really is outstanding. I’ve even had a fair few fouls – partly helped by turning handballs “on” outside the box. I’ve also had a penalty awarded and seen an opposition player sent off – this NEVER happened in PES 2016 or indeed 2015.

    See, now I’m slipping into comparing FIFA and PES but I can’t help it. My “but…” with FIFA is the same as yours I assume n-G; it’s just not PES. I miss PES. I want to play it or play FIFA like PES and enjoy all the lovely presentation, bells and whistles. Instead I’m trying to force myself to play FIFA 16 occasionally like I did PES 2016. That away the same old frustrations are much less apparent and frustrating.

    Lastly, my nomination for a game to vid – while tempted to pick something obscure for comedy value – is PES 2011, the last of a certain kind of PES and ML.

  4. Shed – I got to the final in my pre-season tournament, but lost. I really enjoy FIFA16’s features and presentation too, but as I muse in the vid, it’s only enough to detain me in a year when FIFA comes out before PES. The pattern is that I don’t get into FIFA in the summer months. We shall see.

    PES2011 nomination accepted and nodded. I’m afraid I had to slam the portcullis down on the trend towards novelty suggestions. The spoken-word vids enable to me to play footy games and generate material for a post at the same time, and I can’t be arsed farting around with Rumbelows Soccer 1986 or whatever.

  5. Anyone played arkham knight? I’ve been trying to get into it as my non pes game and it’s just insane for options, buttons and input sequences. I loved city and asylum but this just has far too many combinations and sub menus, I’ve struggled to bring up simple things like using the batclaw and hate how often I have to pause it. I’m wondering if it gets better or if it stays like a mortal kombat dexterity fest.

  6. Uncle Turf – sometime in 2009 I played half of Arkham Asylum. I remember I took a few weeks’ break and came back not remembering how to do basic things, and that was it. Great game though, and series of games from what I hear.

  7. I’ve had another go and looked at a few of the small number of negative reviews. It’s like they took the really great earlier games (first two, not the third) and decided it needed turning up to 11. There is a particularly annoying and repetitive mini game involving the batmobile and some tanks which seems lobbed in simply to crank up the noise factor. I’m really disappointed as I got so many hours out of the series till now, but maybe this is the way things are going and I’m just not the target gamer any more. I’m struggling to know what to play as I have my footy and quest type games covered with pes, FIFA 15 and skyrim (fallout still untouched) but I like having a decent far cry-like instant mission effort available. I think we all know MGS is not going to come off well with my itchy fingeritis. A tomb raider maybe? Last one I played was awful though. Hmm.

  8. Turf – Uncharted collection maybe?

  9. I was unimpressed by the extent of the ‘press button now’ feature. I know Paul used to big up the story but I found it very easy and lacking in any sense of possible failure. Thanks for the suggestion though. Anyone played Rayman legends?

  10. Turf – have you played Alan Wake bit of an old game but still one of my all time favourites.

  11. The misses has gone to bed and as I have had a couple of drinks I didn’t fancy playing a game, so I thought I would watch Ted 2, which happens to be worse than Ted. I know there are a few Ted fans on here, so would like to know if it is meant to be funny. I am 38 mins into the film and am yet to raise a smile.

  12. Uncle Turf – I’ve become Mr Fussy personified when it comes to game-games. MGS5 and then XCOM2 might just be my 2016 appetite filled. I’ve still not started Witcher 3. (But I will, I will!)

    I can’t remember if you’ve played Bioshock or not. If not, there’s your next game. Superb, immersive setting, gameplay, and emotion, all in a very handy 10-15 hour package.

    Darryl – wait till you get to the bit at the sperm bank!

  13. I haven’t NG, it’s one of those that has always been lying there second hand but as I don’t follow game news or read them papery things I can’t often sort the good from bad and rarely take a punt. I was considering maybe a 3ds game as the lad doesn’t use it. A Link maybe?

    Ted was lame, I imagine Ted 2 is lamer.

  14. Season 23 ends in despair after pipping Man Utd to the title and beating them in the FA Cup Final they smash and grabbed the CL Final and burst my Treble attempt. Also put paid to my Sextuple attempt next season. Twats.

  15. NG – Didn’t get that far as I lost interest looked on here and then fell asleep on the couch. I don’t think there is any grey areas as far as Ted is concerned as you either like it or you don’t. I am in the latter camp.

  16. NG – it would involve spending money (I presume) but… Dino Dini’s kick off revival is my nomination.

    Turf, I got rayman in my Wii u bundle – it’s a remarkably good 2d platformer, can’t think of many better – the musical levels in particular are so impressive and it should be really cheap. I’d recommend south park stick of truth if you haven’t played it, started it again recently, funniest game I have played by a long long way.

  17. Uncle Turf – on the topic of genuinely amusing games, there are Disgaeas galore out there now on all platforms. Steer clear of the PC version though, I hear it’s bugged.

    Pete – nomination regretfully declined. You’re right it would involve spending money and while I could afford it, I don’t want to just for the sake of a talky vid on the blog, sorry. I can do Sensible Soccer instead? Or feel free to nominate another.

  18. NG – thats fair enough, ill go for iss 2000 on the n64 – that was the first iss I personally owned and it had a very odd RPG career mode that involved dodging puddles (text choice) to determine how well your player coped in wet weather and such like

  19. Pete – I forgot to add that I was never there for the original Kick Off, so I have no sentimental attachment to the project whatsoever. It was the revival’s release day last Friday and I spent five minutes watching streams on the PS4 and it didn’t entice me. In fact I had the distinct thought ‘generic PSN multiplayer game’. The streams I watched were incredibly frantic end-to-end action that made PES2016 at its frenetic worst look like I, Claudius. The sprites could have just as well been spaceships as football players. Every time I try to play the likes of Sensible Soccer I feel the same gust of complete indifference to it. No doubt in 20 years’ time somebody will be saying much the same about Pro Evo.

    New nomination accepted by the way. I’m slightly changing the approach for these upcoming talky vids – there’s only going to be one now, and it’ll be a compilation of all nominations. Details at 12.

  20. Hi
    Wow. FIFA 98 was my introduction to “modern” football games.Before that i had only played Jon Ritman’s Matchday II on the spectrum. I am that old, i’m afraid.
    I had my eye on Fifa 16, since now it’s only 20 euro… as a bridge until PES 17. Very undecided although your description of a soulless games does put me off.

  21. New goal video soon, obligatory Toure screamer included. His best yet. Boom!!

  22. Lloyd – post it after 12 on the new post.

    Luis – I was just about to close nominations as I have enough to be getting on with. FIFA98:RTWC is already on the list. Hope that is decent enough.

    FIFA16 isn’t a soulless game. I’ve not played it nearly enough to have a settled view one way or the other. All I can say is that it is another example of the modern no-fouls football games, where ‘flow’ is paramount. In that sense, it lacks the gravitas of footy games of old. But so does every other footy game produced in the past few years.

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