1 is the magic number

It finally happened… I have only managed to play literally 1 single match of PES2011 since the last time.

This is simply how life is at the moment. Work and several other factors take up nearly all my time, currently.

It’ll be like this until… next week, when I have the week off work. I plan some serious gaming time then.

Was the 1 match a good match?

Nope, not really.

It was a dull, plodding 1-1 draw in the middle of a drab season. No wonder Konami jazzed up Master League with the recent all-singing, all-dancing, Ibrahimovic-focused editions. Nobody under 30 is ever going to play old-school Master League ever again.

They don’t know what they’re missing. When Master League was a slog to begin with was when Master League was greatest.

I’ve got some transfer deals in the air, just waiting to hear. It’s very easy to sign players, relatively speaking.

I boobed at the start by inadvertently triggering PES2011’s ‘Advanced Start’ glitch. This is where Editing a team prior to starting Master League somehow awards you several million extra pounds, and bumps your ranking up to the low 50s instead of sticking you at the absolute bottom of them all.

I would not have done this deliberately, but on reflection, I’m glad it happened. I’m not in the mood for a traditional ML slog at the moment. I’m in the mood for Classic PES, and the Classic PES feeling is what I’ve got.

The players in PES2011 mostly have the turning circles of oil tankers. By comparison to the nimble ninjas of nuPES, even the likes of Shimizu feels like a lumbering armoured knight on horseback.

I still haven’t scored any really noteworthy goals since that very first long-ranger almost from the first session of play. This one, from Motta.

Everything since that time has been scuffed headers, and kneed-in bouncers from corners and the like. Classic PES did scruffy goals very well indeed. It makes you work for the slightest reward.

I cannot say that I never miss nuPES. Strangely, I do. Over the space of 4 years it was my PES world, and that has had an effect. But I miss the PS4 platform more than the game. I came back to PES2011 in search of nougaty truPES goodness, and that’s what I’ve found in bucketloads.

Next week should see me really get down to business, with long daily sessions, just like in the good old days.

Updated: 13th April 2018 — 11:06


  1. NG – what settings have you gone for? I am currently on Professional/Long Cam/-2 speed/Semi Assisted Player Selection/15 minute matches. Loving every minute including the Elephant Touches.

  2. Paul also mentioned the dependence on the great platform the PS4 is and how convenient it is for gaming. That’s what I fear the most, that gamers just like us will still be attached to nuFootball gaming regardless of how crappy it might be just because they’re too comfortable with the console itself, which is now much more evolved than everything that came before. As you put it not-Greg, it’s not the game itself but the platform that you miss. This is dangerous because developers know this as well and won’t feel the urge for putting out innovative games as they understand gamers themselves don’t have any alternative. The more time passes, the harder it is for them to consider an old game like PES2011 as a fix for their football gaming needs, let alone a classic like PES5. New consoles just make it all too easy and convenient.

  3. Paul – in your previous thread you describe a snooker referee perfectly:-
    “Ditch referees and implement Robots, who call every single decision based on textbook rules, no emotion, no being swayed just cold hard robotic decisions”. Not a critisism as the fact you don’t notice them shows what a good job they do.

  4. Am I the only person here grasping the real issue of the Juventus refereeing decision? – the referee has “a bag of rubbish for a heart” (Buffon)….it’s the most bizarre juxtaposition of junior school language (bag of rubbish) and emotional imagery of the body (for a heart). It’s like suggesting he keeps goal like a man with stinky poo for his soul, or snot over his mind.

    He’s just pissed off that he won’t be winning the cup in his final season. A man with a nob for a head.

    Canny sale on at the moment in game – 3 for 2 and plenty of ps4 stuff pitched around the 9.99 – 19.99 mark. I didn’t as i have too much to play already but there’s a distinct whiff of desperation about some of these offers.

  5. Uncle Turf – I assume Buffon’s ‘bag of rubbish’ comment is a literal translation of some stock Italian proverbial phrase akin to our ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’ types of proverbs. E.g. in Spanish they have a common saying about easily being able to see/do something that runs ‘like seeing a priest in a mountain of sugar’. They sound peculiar to our ears but they’re as familiar to Spanish/Italian etc. ears as all our ‘too many cooks’-type things. So I assumed anyway. Buffon might have just invented it on the spot. Google is no help in finding out as all search results for the phrase lead to Buffon at the moment.

    Darryl – firmly on Professional, with Wide Cam (a PES staple for me), -1 speed, semi-assisted cursor, and 10-min matches. Everything about the player models and how they move – and how slow and cumbersome they often are – feels so gloriously retro now. We will never see that again in any football game now that online is the guiding hand behind the scenes.

    orlando.jabulani – the PC platform is of course the ultimate gaming console, a PS4++ effectively, and I have options in that direction. If the PS3 ever goes kaput I’d probably just get another one, but I also might just move to PC finally.

  6. Tan enfermo como un loro, Brian

  7. NG: I have never ever heard that thing about the priest and the sugar. Do you know how to say it in Spanish?

  8. JS Hutt – I got that from this article on Rafa Benitez, which details his use of the phrase as a ‘Spanish colloquialism’. Further enquiries show many other Spanish-speaking people saying they’d never heard of it either…

  9. Not surprising when in our own land we can’t agree on the term for a bread roll.

  10. NG – Indeed so but where the game comes into its own is when you sign good players. I have a big development and have just signed Peter Crouch. His touch and control of the ball is sublime when a high ball is played to him. The subtle difference with his passing is now opening up more opportunities for me in attack. He has only played in three games for me in the second half of season 3 but my heart already melts when gets the ball. Up to 12th now and an targeting season 3 for the promotion push.

    Barm and if it has anything inside a butty.

  11. Correction I meant second half of season 2.

  12. Roll. Or if it is soft I am willing to concede bap.

  13. Bun. However I’m prepared to accept that this term may conjure up images of a sweet bread fed in the 1970s to elephants at the zoo.

    Might I also add that Mario kart 8 battle mode is going straight into my top ten of gaming. It’s going to save so much hassle when we get cousins and young herberts visiting.

  14. I have never heard of the expression used by Benitez, and after doing some online research (in Spanish too) nobody has…

    Maybe is something they say where he was born…

  15. To be fair to the fella he’s done such an amazing job when many of us were convinced his team of championshipers were destined for the drop that he could say any old crock and we’d go along with it.

    I’ve sold the classic snes mini, and in doing so am partly acknowledging the foresight of NG. It basically became redundant once the wii u came on board. I could have hacked it but really why bother when emulators do the job better. I added splatoon, Mario 3D as championed by abs and rayman legends.

  16. What a boring season it is turning out to be in the Premiership. The title decided early, we have an idea who is going down and we won’t even have commentators trying desperately for us to care about European places as the top four are certain as are the other spots. Football is just dull right now.

  17. Ouch – Ajax just lost to psv 3-0 in real life and so did I in my first game back on pes 2018. Well I did worse actually – lost 5-0! Must be my biggest defeat yet in this years’ pes. Probably a bit of fifa muscle memory costing me the game in combination with manual passing. Lost the second game as well: 2-0. Won the third by that same margin. All on professional. Quite like that for the most part I’m getting my ass kicked. For all its demerits I will say this : pes provides a sterner challenge on similar difficulties than fifa does.

  18. Quite agree Darryl, they will try and spin it but it’s done for just about everything. I was reading about the impact the champions league has had on domestic leagues, more and more they are being won by huge margins as the team(s) that qualify and earn vast sums simply get stronger. Leicester was a freak season, by and large it’s going to be the same old – will anyone other than Celtic ever win again, Bayern, PSG et al…

  19. some quality purchases there Turf, Mario Kart 8 is insanely good and I also enjoyed Rayman Legends. Let me know how Splatoon goes – not played it but does look tempting. Did you partake of the Pokémon Mareep special event today? We got ours double evolved into an Ampharos

    No footy gaming for the moment after the 12 season epic. Just the final edition of Fire Emblem Fates Revelation on 3DS and Stardew Valley on the Switch where I am currently raising some chickens having paid the local carpenter Robin to make a coop and have crafted a mayonnaise machine to increase returns from their eggs

  20. Abbeyhill -we were out yesterday and didn’t find a single one – we’ve been seeing a ridiculous number of the same type, more so since the field research started giving out aims (catch three pidgeys, should be easy, not seen one for a week!) we did however both get a moltres – it just appeared as we were walking across a bridge and was an easy catch.

  21. Turf – spot on there and football has become elitist. On top of that we the seeding to ensure those sides reach the latter stages of the competition and gain more revenue thus preserving the order.

  22. Morning Gents.
    Didn’t get any gaming time in over the weekend as it was my mums 60th so we was out for family meals and in London at the theatre etc, but I did get an hour in editing all the european ‘New ML Players, ie the youths, into English players with English surnames, ready to start my British Only ML.

    Really not liking the thought of a 46 game slog in the Championship all over again though, so will be looking to mix it up with teams from various countries in a div 2, much like NG’s PES 11 setup, which is What I planned to do from the very start of PES 18, but didn’t due to ML/OF authenticity, now that I don’t care if things look realistic or not, I have more creative freedom with the setup.

  23. Batch. I live in the only pocket of the nation where circular bread rolls split into two hemispheres are so called. Only the longer hotdog-style variety is ever called a roll. I’ve mentioned before my teenage job on a sandwich stall where a Birmingham man asked for a ‘cheese cob’ and I had zero idea what he meant. 18 miles.

  24. Mrs Werd once asked if I wanted scraps with my fish n chips. The first thing that came to mind was the dog from Airplane!. Its batter in my neck of the woods. Bloody Smoggie 🙂

  25. !!! Werd, I’m genuinely speechless. Fencehouses from birth to leaving school, a regular at Jessie’s fish and chip shop, and never in my life have I referred to the scoopings of the fryer as ‘batter’. They are scraps and always were. Your neck of the woods must be some Amish-like enclave where outsiders aren’t welcomed.

    A vote for mrs w.

  26. Talking of the chippy has anyone heard of Pea Wet?

    In our family going out for a birthday meal entails going to the local 2 for 1 pub. Not Lord Paul he goes to the Theatre.

  27. WTH is Pea Wet?
    it was my mums 60th Darryl, so warranted something a little bit more special than a 2 for 1 at the local hungry horse 😉

  28. I’m guessing pea wet is like a chip butty splash? Ie. Chip butty with a slap of curry/gravy/mushy peas on it.

    Darryl – London meal and theatre could have been Wendy’s and the cheap seats at we will rock you….the thing that worries me is I’m probably as close to Paul’s mam in age as I am to Paul. I could be his much older cousin or his younger cooler uncle. Or the one they don’t talk about.

  29. Scraps. I’ve known batch to be used for a soft roll, aka bap, but not specifically for a split roll.

  30. Definitely the ‘one they dont mention’ Turf 🙂

    It was actually Stalls seats at the Bat out of Hell Musical, which is ridiculously superb.
    I thought a cob was a crustier type roll whereas a batch was softer.

  31. God knows what Pea Wet is. I’m not sure I want to know.

    Here’s a peculiar one for you. In Coventry, we have something called a scallop which is a deep-fried potato. (I believe it’s a ‘fritter’ elsewhere.) Ask for a scallop batch in a Coventry chipshop, get lashings of salt and vinegar and brown sauce on it, and live the dream. ‘But a scallop is fish!’ I know, it’s just all part of the peculiarity of language and local usage. E.g. the sociolinguists still can’t agree why Americans say ‘could care less’ instead of ‘couldn’t care less’.

  32. NG – I always suspected the latter to be part of a sentence but bits were left out e.g. “I could care less, but that’s not possible”… something to that effect.

  33. NG – I have had a potatoe scallop, in Coventry. Many moons ago when my mate and I drove up to see Everton play Coventry.

  34. Lloyd – it’s just a scallop without any qualifier. The moment you said ‘potato scallop’ in public, in Coventry, I imagine something like this happened.

    #1 – that’s as good a suggestion as any that the language boffins have ever come up with. The most persuasive I’ve heard is that the American phrase ‘could care less’ makes sense if you see it as a ‘sarcastic superlative’, i.e. the same kind of thing as saying ‘I totally want to go to the dentist’. But that’s as weak as dishwater on a number of levels. The most likely explanation, if there ever could be one, is that it’s a case of them just getting the phrase wrong, in the same way you often find garbled usages over time (e.g. the transposition from a ‘flutter-by’ insect that somehow becomes the word ‘butterfly’ and many, many others). I’ll leave you to sift through the Language Log posts about ‘could care less’.

  35. I’ve had homemade potato scallops before, my grandad used to slice them into cm thick ovals and fry them, which I guess is similar and is derived from same source. I’ve only ever had salt and sauce on chips in Scotland ie. as a collective term, not salt and some sauce. I think it’s some odd brown sauce and vinegar mix. They didn’t sell any of those gimmicky fried things either, im not convinced that isn’t just publicity nonsense, you’d have to be ill to want a deep fried pizza with cream egg on it.

    Lloyd – I see you use the vice presidential ‘e’, a classic quaylism.

    Just been loaned a huge collection of wii u games. I was told the Toad one was the best if you’ve played that Abbeyhill?

  36. Turf – I’m five mins away from Fencehouses. Must be a Werd family only thing!

  37. Had a couple of quick friendlies on PES 18 last night, finished editing the youths but didnt want to start the new ML yet as I didnt have any of the kits I’d made (they are on work pc) so to pass time i played a couple of Online division matches.

    As if you ever needed any more evidence to hate online, but its an absolute clusterf*ck.
    5 mins on the match making screen waiting for an opponent whilst the network circle whirs round and round, then finally get matched, chose Liverpool, opponent chooses same team, so Liverpool v Liverpool, which annoyed me.

    Then he spends his entire time allocation in the team select screen before the match (2 mins) whereas my changes were done in 20 secs, match starts, my KO, before i can press the button to kick off, he immediately pauses the game again, and uses all 2 mins of allocated time.

    Finally KO and although its Liverpool v Liverpool,same players, same stats, and I didn’t have one player on a less than ‘normal’ form average, his team is remarkably quicker, stronger, can intercept passes a lot more, and there’s a noticeable lag between pressing my buttons for passes and shots, meaning tackles and blocks aplenty.
    I was losing 2-1 and he still insisted on fouling me blatantly every chance he could, pausing the game anytime for no reason (had used all his subs) and letting the time run down.
    The ‘scripting’ against me despite using identical sides was disgusting, I have a 90mbp/s fibre optic connection, I can see the exchange box from my living room window, I can stream 4k video without a single frame dropped, so it wasn’t my connection, the game handicapped me for no apparent reason.

    I shall never ever venture online in a football game ever again.
    Im gobsmacked these type of people exist, I know I shouldn’t be, but I am, I seriously think we need to introduce some form of social cleansing to weed out these grade A C*nts and kill them off at birth before they can grow and breed.

  38. Oh sorry about that Paul, I was making a cup of tea. Good close game though, I was desperately hanging on towards the end!

    Turf – that must be Captain Toad’s Treasure Tracker. There are a few of these levels on Super Mario 3D World, decent fun but I reckon an entire game of them might be a bit repetitive

  39. Paul – that’s always been my experience of online football gaming too. The hyper-violent permissive fouling system. The relentless pace (because there’s no stamina penalty). The shitty opponents more interested in gamesmanship than in playing. Online footy gaming is now, always has been, and always will be a travesty of the series, and the single factor responsible for destroying the good name of PES. I don’t give two shits about the market and fun and all that bollocks. Online has killed football gaming for good. In the here and now, of course. The old games are always available.

  40. That’s the one abbeyhill, he doesn’t have sm3d though so maybe he’s unaware. That zombie thing is in there though, along with all the Zelda games.

    Seems moltres was widespread yesterday, must be opening up the legendary ranks for capture.

  41. Pea Wet origins from Wigan (strange folk that lot) and basically is when you get chips and can’t afford gravy or anything else, so you ask them for Pea Wet and they dribble over a spoonful of the juice of the mushy peas that is left at the bottom of the tray.

    Same here with scallops as we call deep fried potato the same in Lancashire. There is a chippy up here that does 5 for a £1 and they are delicious.

    Paul – Sounds like she had a good time. As for online gaming I just don’t understand it all and am fine with that. Good luck to them.

  42. Good God Darryl, I nearly heaved over your description of a pea wet. Mushy peas are a crime against humanity, but to be so poor that you’re willing to consume the aqueous dregs. These people should thank their lucky stars that Oxfam never found out about them.

  43. Chris99 – first of all you’re just plain wrong, but I would like to know how wrong – do you dislike the pea in general or are you a garden pea, lightly boiled, enthusiast. As they are the biggest waste of time since tins of sweetcorn.

    I’ve still yet to see another city serve preston’s weird parched pea.

  44. https://imgur.com/a/uetxR

    Finished Editing PES 18 and have created 2 leagues, the UEFA Elite League with all the top teams from major divisions in europe, replacing the Premier League, and the UEFA Superleague, replacing the Championship, with a mix of other clubs from around europe competing.
    League table shown above after one match.

    Logos here:



    Have edited every ML youth team player into English sounding surnames and assigned them the nationality of either England, Scotland or Wales.
    Started a new ML and literally sold around 15 of the 26 strong squad, generating around 10mil, the other non english players I have released.
    Promoted as many of the youths to the senior squad as possible, and signed a couple of English players too.

    As it stands I have a 25 man squad, 21 of whom are British, 4 other nationalities which will be weeded out asap and replaced with homegrown players.
    Played 3 games so far, a 2-1 defeat to Malmo, a 3-2 defeat vs Lazio, and a 1-1 draw with Nantes.
    As I have promoted youths and my starting 11 consists of mainly youth players, my average OVR is around 55, as every youth player is rated between 50 and 60.
    Gone are the likes of Coutinho and Arcas who had 70+ ratings and gave you a substantial boost, so what I have now feels like a very old school PES game, where the defaults are next to useless, my team spirit is only at 40, and it shows.

    My players are outrun, out-muscled, shots are weak and inaccurate, passing is awry, its difficult, quite pleased I’ve managed to score a few goals to be honest.

    I was secretly hoping that the fouls issue had been patched to some degree but changes would only show after starting a new ML, and upon starting this one I’d be pleasantly surprised, but NO. Fouls against the COM are awarded freely, but fouls for me, as non existent as before, I did have 2 shooting range free kicks in my first 3 games, but that was it, I should have had numerous fouls for me, but wasn’t given any.

    Also, more evidence that the ‘AI that we need’ is absolutely NOT the AI that we need was shown by the fact I have set my team up to play with aggressive pressure defending, defend from the front line, and with ‘Gegenpress’ tactic activated, all in all which means that my team should be very aggressive, pressure the opposition all over the pitch and try to win the ball as high up the pitch as possible.

    A situation occurred vs Nantes, where they had a throw right near the corner flag in their own half, I pressured them into having the ball on the edge of their own 6 yard box, they were trying to pass it out, my tactics should have dictated that I pressured them intensely to win the ball back, i squeezed X to make my nearest player close down the ball carrier, then to my amazement, my entire midfield and other CF, all started back pedaling and running back into their own half’s to assume their rigid positions, as dictated by the PES engine, my tactics didn’t mean anything, the PES engine is so unintelligent it overrides anything so players always maintain their positions when out of possession, no awareness of the match situation, of tactics or anything.

    Finally, not sure if I ever saw this before but 2 defeats and a draw after first 3 games, plus being a ‘small’ team, sees my stadium being half empty for matches, is this a thing?
    I always recall stadiums being full no matter what previously. Only saw half empty stadiums back in PES 11/12.

    Shown here:

  45. Paul – looking good, looking great in fact. You soon get used (or re-used) to that Classic PES feel of made-up leagues. It becomes your own home. It took a few sessions for the PES2011 environment to feel properly mine, but it does now.

    Re, the AI That We Need, my praise of it was always about the aggressiveness of the COM AI playing against you – never about one’s own team. I’ve been banging on for years about how all the tactical sliders and strategy settings we use are just so many shiny buttons and levers that they give the monkeys to make us believe we’re flying the spaceship. Other than the very few settings that visibly alter players’ positions on the pitch – False 9, etc. – I maintain that all PES’s strategy and tactical settings are makework that do absolutely nothing.

    The fouling situation is of course a serious long-term problem for PES in the current era that is not going to go away. It seriously undermines the series’ entire credibility as a football game. ‘But lots of people like it like that’ is not a view that I can even pretend to have any respect for.

  46. NG – it does have that early feel of a proper old school PES game, with all the difficulty of nurturing p*ss poor youths, into something decent, hoping that feeling lasts as PES 18 does look and move beautifully on the pitch, I think thats the main thing I missed from FIFA, the smoothness of animations.

    Agree that the AI can be aggressive but an AI should be all encompassing, it has to work for you and against you to be balanced, the fact that there is absolutely no awareness of any match situation is really poor and a big problem in taking PES 18 seriously.

    The fouls issue does exist in FIFA too, its not isolated to PES, but there are more in FIFA. not enough, but more, and blatant fouls are given, in PES as you well know, they are just not, and some people liking a no fouls football game is never ever going to be a just reason for Konami going down that route.
    I’m sure there are some people who would like basketball games without the double dribble rule but you don’t see 2K remove a core rule of the sport they are simulating to appease the casual crowd.

    Anyway, looking forward to sticking with this all British ML setup, there are limited numbers of British players in the game, and even more limited are the players I’ll be able to sign being a small poor club, so all about the training and nurturing, rather than mass new signings of a modern day ML.

    I’ve also enabled classic players so keen to see some famous names pop up here and there.

  47. Did I miss a post Paul? I thought you were done with pes forever and were well into a FIFA campaign to dominate as Newcastle or move on to a different club.

    I’m struggling to generate interest in footy games at the moment as there’s no real buzz about the sport currently, listening to games on the radio is flat when it’s all pretty much resolved. Maybe World Cup talk might give it a boost but I’m quite happy digging holes in the ground and driving karts around.

  48. You Must have turf.
    I previously commented that I was putting FIFA on hold to try a little experiment within PES 18, not that FIFA 18 wasn’t cutting it, its a great game, but there’s always that longing at the back of the mind for something PES related.

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