No fun intended

7 League matches left in my final PES2018 season, and look what might be happening:

4 points off the lead, with an inferior goal difference granted, but considering where I was just a few instalments ago…. good old ML table scripting, working hard to get me up that table.

As I have said and felt all along, I will be there or thereabouts when the final tally is made at the end of the season.

It takes proportionally longer to get through the seasons when you’re still in 2 Cups, which I am, so the end – of the season, of PES2018, and of all nuPES games – still feels like a long way off.

I’m in the FA Cup semis, and now I’m in the Champions League quarters. Don’t know who I’ve got in the FA Cup, but it’ll be Leipzig in the CL. I dispatched Shakhtar Donetsk in the Round of 16, 1-0 on aggregate. They were surprisingly tough.

I’ve been trying out a new corner routine lately. For the longest time in PES I have swapped between two or three familiar corner routines: picking out a player in the box, going short, just blasting it randomly into the melee, etc. etc.. None of these familiar routines have proven optimal in PES2018 for me.

Interestingly, ‘real life’ football confirms that corners are far from worth getting excited about. Stats show that corners lead to a goal approximately 3% (THREE PERCENT) of the time. So that’s only 1 goal for every 33.33 corners. But the fans still roar and all stand up every time there is one.

Tired of a similar rate of return in PES2018, I’ve started L1+R-selecting a player on the edge of the box and sneaking him into Paul Scholes territory for a spectacular volley. Might as well. It amuses me, and it’s a nice mini-game of its own. Half the time the AI annoyingly insta-deploys a player to cover my L1+R selected player at the moment I press the buttons. This shouldn’t happen, because the AI is not supposed to ‘know’ what buttons I’ve just pressed, is it?

But half the time it doesn’t do that, and if the player I L1+R-select is so ridiculously far outside the box that he’s almost closer to the halfway line, I can get away with it easily.

When it’s all set up, I loft a circle pass to the selected player, and hopefully let fly with a spectacularly dipping volley into the postage-stamp corner of the net. Except that hasn’t happened so far. By the time the ball travels from the corner to my selected player, the AI has usually raced to block any volley – and half the time I get the timing wrong and/or the game messes it up for me, and my player tries to take a touch first.

Still, I have got goals from this method, by various means (usually playing a one-two for a regular sort of goal, etc.) These pseudo-corner goals come at roughly the same amount – 1 in 33 attempts. I ‘have fun’ doing it, and of course ‘having fun’ is what PES has always been about, right? Right? That’s what PES has always been about, yes? Having fun. That’s what everyone says now, so it is therefore the truth. Yes, having fun is what PES has always been all about. Many was the time in my 40+ seasons of PES5 back in the day – and in my 10+ seasons of PES2010, PES2011, and PES2012 – knee-deep in full-on PES immersion, experiencing a kind of rapt absorption that could only be compared to watching the best movie, reading the best book, or tasting the best food, when I exclaimed to heaven: ‘This near-transcendental state that I’m having now can only ever be described as FUN!’ When I’m watching Breaking Bad or Blade Runner, the only way to describe my enjoyment of them is with the word ‘fun’, too, which only a true churl would disagree with. How wonderful that this fun has been deified in the form of the myClub experience, which is, like, fun squared, or something. Yes, the having of fun is definitely what PES is now, and always has been, about.

Bit sidetracked there. Anyway, the corner routine: yes, it works sometimes, and here’s an example of it working. Not the greatest possible goal it could produce, but it’s something different.

Watch for GURPEGUI’s name tag appearing at the bottom of the screen, and watch me slow-walking him into position. The goal comes about as the result of a deflection, yes, but they all count.

Updated: 2nd March 2018 — 11:17


  1. Lets hope the game doesn’t suddenly award the team below you 5 random points.
    Much easier to method to score from corners, works for me roughly 5 out of every 10 attempts.
    position trajectory line of corner taker about 2 yards inside the penalty spot, select ‘dash’ from the corner tactics quick menu, push the LS up and northwest, around 11pm direction, and power up whilst holding LS, to around 75% power, as the ball travels in, in a top-spin driven type style, press the shoot button and aim at the goal aprrox halfway during the balls flight, similar to the PES 17 early header mechanic, your nearest player to the ball will either header or volley in, or produce a melleé which results in a goal.

  2. True churl here….I’ve tried with breaking bad, the first episode promised much but I just don’t particularly like Walt. I know that’s often the ‘no black or white, only shades of grey’ way of modern drama but in the likes of the sopranos I can root for Tony. I don’t know if it’s Bryan Cranston, or the initial pathetic downtrodden bloke he is or the gradual change but I just don’t like him, or his family, or pretty much anyone I’ve seen so far.

    I have employed a similar smorgasbord corner kick effort though, likewise finding nothing offers the high probability chance and resorting to the Bryan robson half volley from outside the box.

  3. Paul – the corner chicken has flown the coop, or nest, or whatever, and I’ll be trying my ‘Paul Scholes’ corners (as I insist on calling them) from now until the end of PES2018. Two longish sessions and I’d be done, but life and work are such that it’s likely to be wrapped up in 4 or 5 shorter sessions over the next week. This time next week should be the final post for all nuPES. And good riddance. I really do need to get back to proper football gaming, and let this series continue along its new path without me.

    Uncle Turf – Paul Scholes or Teddy Sheringham. #neverbryanrobson

  4. Not a corner but m’lud I give you at 4 minutes 20 seconds….an indication of what the man could do

  5. Uncle Turf – as it’s not related to corners, I’m afraid I have to rule that evidence out of court. I do remember Robson often rising in the box to head home from corners but he was never associated with the kind of goals from corners that Scholes and Sheringham were and still are.

    To prove your case, you must demonstrate an actual historical association between Robbo, as I call him, and the frequent scoring (or attempting to score) with volleys/half-volleys whilst lurking outside or on the edge of the box from corners. I.e. the same kind of association that Platini had with free kicks. I submit to learned counsel that there is no such connection, and the witness is conflating Robbo’s undoubted heading prowess at corners with this wholly different instance of scoring attempts at corners.

  6. No further witnesses your honour…

    However, we’d like to move the suggestion that mr Edward teddy sheringham does not have the same legacy as mr Paul scholes and has in fact been mistakenly included by the defence for point reinforcing purposes. The prosecution accept scholes, we say the sheringham does not fit.

  7. How do you get PS4 screen captures up to the blog? I might give it a go later tonight as my season heads towards its finale.

  8. Chris99 – upload to Imgur is the quickest way, and then just paste the link into a comment, and it should display inline.

    Uncle Turf – appeal denied. Granted, the Sheringham corner was a scudded low drive to the near post area – about 8 yards out – toward which the gentleman himself would run, and hope to slot the ball in at the near post. I submit that his corner routine merits inclusion on the grounds of it being generically similar to the Scholes corner, to whit: a player detaches himself from the customary bunch of players crowding the 6-yard box (the defensive team expecting the familiar cross that is easily dealt with 97% of the time), and looks to have a shot from an unexpected lay-off. The Robson corner is in no way similar to this as it relies on him finding space and springing in amongst the melee, David Speedie-style. The two corner types are distinct.

  9. nG – The Robson corner is deemed inadmissible due to the opposition being Israel.

    You know the next question. How do you send it to Imgur? Is it a share option?

    Anyway, back in the real world Cardiff won the Championship with three games to spare. The decider was a game against Villa in second place. The commentary was excellent and referred to it as a real six pointer and the game that would probably decide the title. At the end of a 3-0 win the players stayed on the pitch, went into a huddle and then applauded the fans.

    Next game a fielded a weakened side to appease the lesser players, and one of my strikers twisted badly and is now out for seven months with an ACL.

    Then in the next match the commentary said I would get the trophy in my final home game of the season. So one match left tonight and then onto the Premier League.

  10. That’s proper football management decisions there Chris99. It just doesn’t happen in ML.

    Not wanting to press the Robson point all the way to the Supreme Court I would just like to add that a key decision of old school pes for me was the dmf purchase. They had to be good defensively but also able to lurk for a corner, ready to supply a booming shot or charge towards the ball from outside the box. Hierro was perfect. It’s gone. Thrown on the ash heap of history.

  11. That was the joy of Dodo for me. He was often the last default in the starting eleven.

  12. Paul’s recent comments possibly pushed me towards this prematurely but I’ve quit. I played my third euro league game v st Johnstone ie. one of my made up peu league clubs and it stank. A 1-0 win that was just a dull slog with nothing at all going on with any player, generic v generic. Next match Man Utd at home. I might as well have not been there, lukaku had a hat trick by half time and every goal was a ridiculous comedy of wandering defenders, balls passing through legs, physics gone wrong etc. It’s always been very scripty and like that in pes but now there’s no real up side either it just completely flattens the experience. I have no desire to plod through this bollocks for another few months so off to FIFA 17 for me. I’m fed up of this Werd like magpie existence I now lead on football games but life is too short to suffer modern master league any more.

  13. Chris99 – it’s just an upload from your computer/device. I’m positive you’ve used similar things before in your computing life, and am therefore wondering if there’s some ultra-subtle joke I’ve missed here? The upside of Imgur is that you don’t have to register or sign up for anything.

    Uncle Turf – ah, the old ‘DMF hole’ goal – a staple ingredient in my footy gaming diet for a couple of decades, and it’s more or less extinct now, yes, but as you know I am dead-set against the notion that the past PES games are somehow automatically negated by the appearance of the new ones. Decent enough as PES2018 and its brethren are, they just ain’t PES.

    My rough plan is PES2011, then FIFA17. I’m really going to miss the PS4 environment and it’s tempting to go for FIFA17 first, but I need that nougaty PES sustenance more than I need the PS4’s Quality of Life trappings, so it’s PES2011 first.

    And nuPES and its fans can be happy together. Seriously, I hope they are. I will leave PES2018 with some good feelings.

  14. Fired up 17 and immediately it paps all over pes for managerial options. Cork city, back in the Ireland of my glorious FIFA 14 campaign, do I want to take part in a pre season tournament? If so, which one? Different difficulties, teams and cash available. Oh konami, you just seem so lazy and uncaring. I could forgive you if the on field action was still as good. But no fouls, no individuality…etc etc etc.

  15. nG – No joke, I just expected it to be easier. As I don’t use Facebook or Twatter it seems a right faff to have to copy it to a USB stick and then upload it from a different device. Or have I missed something?

  16. Chris99 – You’ve never uploaded a file from a local file system to a remote server??? Given your computing background, that just isn’t possible. I just don’t get the joke!

    EDIT: ah, just reread the comments thread, you’re talking about direct from PS4. In that case yes, transfer to USB and then upload from computer will be the easiest way for you. Or just take a picture of the PS4 screenshot with your phone, and upload that picture to Imgur from your phone.

  17. orlando.jabulani

    Oh man, don’t mention the defaults, my heart can’t take it.
    Make ML defaults great again.

  18. Turf / NG : the DMF – hole goal is alive and kicking in fifa 18 I’m happy to report. Scored two already in three games. None in over 100 hours with pes 18. Shooting is superior to pes, so much so that it isn’t even a comparison anymore. Complete 180 compared to how it used to be in the “old days” . The only thing that remains “fifa-lite” for me is the passing.

  19. Turf – just wait until you get truly settled in. The commentary, budget management, stadiums, scoreboards, transfer negotiations, even the menus (though that applies more to fifa 18). Worlds apart and uncaring Konami indeed. Pes gameplay is not the great equalizer anymore, if anything fifa is overtaking pes in that regard.

  20. #1 – I think what I might do is trade pes for the 20 quid cex is currently offering and keep the voucher until FIFA 17 has run its course and I can upgrade to 18. Being that one release behind is no bad thing and thanks to Paul won’t cost me a bean.

    FIFA 14 was an amazing effort for me but 15 simply never took off, I think the number of matches in the lower English divisions simply overwhelmed me. Hence the start in Ireland. And I had a couple of good nights in cork 20 odd years ago.

  21. Turf – sounds like the way to go to me. I’m getting all werd-like because I keep discovering more and more excellence in fifa. Even so much so that I want to do a default style challenge with it, starting from the champions or even league one and working my way up. Which means I will not be able to conclude business with pes as such an endeavor will take me a few months at the very least. And unfinished pes business is a no-go. So, some thinking to do here…
    By the way, not an option for you to just start with a low ranked team in the premiership? So you can skip the longer slog in the championship?

    Paul – I know you must be getting on pretty well with fifa 18 as well. Have you encountered the “quick substition” option yet? I think it’s bloody brilliant. As soon as the game goes out of play the game suggests a sub for you. Press r2 and X simultaneously and hey presto. Usually it’d the player I actually WANT to sub as well. Great small addition but adding to the overall excellence.

  22. #1 – Funny that, i always considered the quick sub feature pretty pointless and I’ve never used it. Horses for courses I guess.

    Turf – Going from League Two is a massive slog, and having done it once I’ve no desire to repeat the experience. Getting through a Championship season isn’t too bad though, but it would be a bind if you didn’t get promotion the first time.

    Talking of which, having won the Championship title at the first attempt the Cardiff board decided my season was satisfactory. Cheeky buggers! They seem put out by the fact the club isn’t making enough of a profit, and shirt sales are a bit poor. I’m hoping my league objective this year is to avoid relegation.

  23. I’m not worried about any sort of Wimbledon/Watford like journey from rags to riches, etc etc as I have always been the have suit will travel manager in these games. Cork city till I get a better offer – last time it was the Middle East, Australia, Spanish division two, et al. I’m as loyal as a dirty tom cat.

  24. Chris – it isn’t a new feature then? I do quite like it. It isn’t very intelligent as it usually just suggests taking off the most tired players, but that’s my usual method of substituting players anyway. Saves me a few trips to the pause screen if anything.

    Color me very impressed with fifa at the moment. Was contemplating returning to pes to later sample fifa in full but bollocks to that. Played a few pes matches but at the moment I feel it’s no match for fifa. Each match sees me discovering something new – just now during the pre-match sequence the commentary team zoomed in on wilfried bony who was warming up, saying he was the league top scorer and that the opposing team (meaning me) should be wary of him. Just a little thing but this type of attention to detail really shines through provided the gameplay is up to scratch – and it really is this time around. Individuality is at the very least up to par with pes as well – I can already distinguish three players as individuals – 8 matches in. David Meyler, Sam Larsson and a bloke named Bowen are instantly recognizable on the ball. Mind you I know fuck-all about hull city or its players in real life.

    There are so, SO many things pes needs to improve upon in master league to even remotely resemble what career mode has become. I don’t think it’s even possible at this point even if Konami committed all their resources towards master league for pes 2019 (they haven’t and they won’t though).

    It will take some serious fifa-style-of-old fizzling out after initially being (very) impressive for me to abandon this career mode now.

  25. orlando.jabulani

    #1 – The thing about FIFA’s Career mode is that they’ve been building their house from the ground up. The base for FIFA12’s CM was the same base as FIFA07’s, though improved upon, and the base for FIFA18’s is FIFA12. I’d say the whole game is a collection of improvements over the previous versions, which is exactly why I think if people want PES to get on the same level as FIFA, it would have to be almost a decade-long process. In the last few years, the history of PES could be summarized as building up – tearing it down – building up again, whilst FIFA has had that foundation for their game that PES is still looking for, and they’ve had it for ten years already.

  26. Orlando – good point there and I was actually thinking of that a few days ago after stumbling upon a pes 10 master league video. If Konami had kept THAT master league there’s no telling what we’d have now. Well actually there is – something a whole lot better than what we have now and perhaps something to rival career mode. As it is now fifa is streets ahead. It isn’t even in the same zip code anymore.

    Have my first serious injury as well – Abel hernandez who has scored more than half my goals is out for weeks at the very least . Have to rethink the squad now. It’s been YEARS, literally years, since I’ve had to make such a decision in a football game. News like this then pops in the career mode news ticker – a proper one unlike in master league – which now shows videos as well when there is breaking news. Again a nice little touch adding to the total package.

  27. orlando.jabulani

    #1 – I think the first PES I went back to in recent years, besides my beloved PSP/PS2 versions, was PES2010 and not particularly because the gameplay, which is usually the crucial factor that gets me to play a football game, but actually because of PES2010 Master League. Is it “peak-ML?” in PES history? Possibly.

  28. After years of not caring about it the little fella has decided he misses the Wii. I found things like Zelda were a real disappointment with the lack of HD capability so I was looking at a second hand Wii u (arsed if I’m paying Switch prices). Is there anything I should know about them anyone know? Likely it will ony be used for Mario and Pokemon stuff by him.

  29. Is there anything I should know about [the Wii] anyone know?

    The Wii is Poo. That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

    All you FIFA players are doing a good job of almost persuading me to got to FIFA first after PES2018. But I need that individuality, that true PES individuality, that only past-PES can provide. I appreciate that PES individuality has sunk to FIFA levels, but let’s not pretend that that FIFA individuality is on a par with Schwarz and Shimizu et al. I’m looking forward to finding all this out for myself now that the nuPES jackboot is coming off my neck, for good.

    Chris99 – where’s that screenie? I did misread the comments over the weekend. 12-hour shifts in the teetering NHS will tend to make that happen.

    orlando.jabulani – PES2010’s ML certainly was ‘peak ML’ for me. Many say PES2011, but even then there were things being removed.

  30. Turf – I only got a WII U for mario maker, but minecraft with the skins and dlc inc, mario kart 8 and Breath of the wild are class. Breat of the wild may be a bit pricey now but worth tracking down.

  31. Settled right in with my FIFA 18 career now, just slowly exorcising the ‘PES Muscle Memory’ from the last 5 months, sometimes forget and double tap X for standing tackle etc and it doesn’t work, and getting used to the FIFA Tactical defending system all over again, which requires skill and discipline, rather than the ‘PES clamp pressure auto magic win ball back routine.’

    Started as Newcastle Utd, have signed Vardy, Yaya Touré and a Spanish Right Midfielder called Tana. Playing Vardy up top with Gayle, Touré in the DMF role, and Tana as a swapover with Diamé out wide right.
    Vardy is on fire, 5 goals in his first 4 matches, league top scorer so far, his pace is electric.

    Loving it so far, you don’t realise until you sample FIFA 18 just how embarrassingly far behind PES is in every single aspect, aside from the player models, and animation fluidity, which IMO are better in PES, FIFA kills PES in every other dept.

    From the interactive transfers, meeting and negotiating with players, agents and managers, to player interactivity within your squad, setting up a youth academy infrastructure, legitimate board objectives to meet, full control over finances and budgets, the need to scout for players to see stats, on to the actual game play …..

    Have had 2 penalties so far in 4 matches, 2 in-game injuries, one leading to an 8 week for Shelvey, and another 7 week for an ankle fracture for Slimani, so proper squad management needed, love the ability to set up team sheets for different squad selections and formations, I have one for league matches and another with a weaker lineup of fringe players for the Carabao cup, also the R2 Quick Subs as #1 mentioned are pure genius.

    The ability to assign 3 quick subs and make a sub during free flow play just by Holding R2 and pressing X is superb, a great idea, the game also makes intelligent suggestions for quick subs based on performance, stamina etc.
    The commentary is glorious, you get a few repeated lines but its intelligent,and immersive, and the stadiums……….. proper real stadiums for every single team, real crowd chants, crowds shouting ‘One Nil, the the Newcastle’ when winning, and jeering and whistling after bad decisions, booing opposition players, the net stantion lifting from a powerful shot, the turf deteriorating over the course of a match …

    It’s all there, the game play is great, even without sliders, the career mode has everything you want, the presentation is superb… Gutted now I wasted 5 months on PES when I could have started in league 2 and had a proper long and momentus career in FIFA.

    And as a sidenote, im seeing tons of individuality in FIFA 18. Vardy looks and feels like no other player, I know i can burst with speed and finish from angles, Yaya Touré feels solid on the ball, really shows his strength and can get forward and shoot too, epitomises the old classic PES DMF type role.

  32. Hmm, widely differing opinions there – thanks guys but have to take each with a pinch of salt, NGs as he’s still bitter about tiger woods, Werd because he sits in the dark wearing a tin foil hat….

    100 quid or so, it would open up the Zelda range again. Hmm.

  33. Windwaker, Twilight princess, breath of fire is a glass of something special. I’ve been playing for ages just exploring and taking wild life photos.
    Tin foil hat upgraded to a wicker fedora.

  34. Yes, you’re right my friend, on this matter NG has never been a Mario/Zelda player so hasn’t the proper perspective. He sees the failed motion controller and the rage descends. He’s the log cabin government conspiracy theorist.

  35. Paul – sounds parallel to my own experience. Truly astonished at how far fifa is ahead here.

    NG – you should sample pes 2011 first indeed. All the time in the world, remember.

  36. #1 – I won’t be ‘sampling’ PES2011, I’ll be full-on playing it for the natural duration of a Master League, however many seasons and months that takes. After that, FIFA. Maybe. I might just disappear into the thickets of past-PES and never emerge.

  37. We all know you wont play FIFA for any given length of time, so no point even considering it.

  38. Within the confines of a traditional prescribed ‘football game year’ from September to August, no, for various reasons FIFA never does seem to get a real look-in with me. But that confined footy game year is over as of this year, and I’m FREE of the hamster wheel, so who knows what the future holds.

  39. We know, im pretty sure 😉
    The future will hold PES 11, maybe PES 12 or PES 10 after? Maybe then back to PES 5 ?
    But one thing we know is that you will give FIFA 18 a token ‘look’, play it for 5 matches, declare that it has that feeling of ‘nothing to play for’ and then return back to an old PES once again.

  40. Paul and #1 – you played enough to be able to recommend between FIFA 17 & 18 yet? Some chat on various forums that 17 was ‘heavier’ but obviously I would trust your views more.

    Turf – would heartily concur with my learned colleague Werd, plus Super Mario 3D World is the family’s all time favourite co-op game. Don’t think there is much Pokemon on Wii U though, aside from the Pokken fighting games

    3rd place for WE United in season 10, our first in D1, very pleasing outcome. Miles behind an amazing Inter side, but the fully licensed Champions League next season will be a good contrast with the bare bones ML presentation

  41. Abbeyhill, no logical reason as to why you’d choose FIFA 17 over 18, FIFA 18 is improved, with extra features and patches etc.

  42. Abbeyhill : maybe the passing was slightly heavier but really it’s a non-issue. Difference is very small, shooting is vastly better in 18 though. And all the extra features (see Paul’s post as well detailing all this). Definitely go for 18.

  43. Ta. Seems an obvious next destination after PES2011 3DS especially as a number of you are currently playing it

  44. nG – I have a screenshot, but am still refusing to believe how half arsed the PS4 sharing is for people who don’t have social media accounts. I’ll probably end up using that hooky Chinese USB drive, as it is USB the one end and micro USB the other so I can plug it into my phone.

    Abbeyhill – The only reason for selecting FIFA 17 is the ridiculously low cost of a pre-owned copy. I wouldn’t have mentioned it, but as you’re in Scotland you have a reputation to uphold 😉

  45. Chriss99 – the PS4’s aharing features for video are superb, one button tap to upload, share etc but surprisingly lacking for still images/screenshots, there should be an option to upload directly to imgur or other hosting site as per video, but there isn’t.

    haha @ the scotland comment.

  46. Abbeyhill – 4 quid vs 30. And also the benefit of others insight, as a non fifa regular it helps to get info such as Darryl’s scouting guide from a couple of seasons ago.

  47. Well, but for PES2015 coming along I could easily have played FIFA15 for many months, so never say never and all that. (Never.)

  48. But you didn’t NG, you left a game (FIFA 15) that you was admittedly enjoying very much, to go play something else just because it was PES. and a Shit PES at that.

  49. Paul – that’s what I said, though: but for PES2015 coming along (and what you think of it isn’t relevant to how it played out with me), I would have played FIFA15 for many months. Baffled how you could misread that. OK, so you’re going all FIFA evangelist now – and why not? The reasons you and others have listed are all sound ones. I won’t be altering my course one whit based on them, though. That’s not what the blog is about.

  50. I think its you that has misread NG.
    My point was that we all know you will never play a FIFA properly, ie for one or more seasons, because you have that overarching urge to deviate off to PES on a whim, as proved by the FIFA 15 situation, and others since.

    Why stop playing FIFA 15 if you was enjoying it, just because a PES came out ?

    Not going FIFA evangelist in any way shape or form, its your time, your blog, your playing freedom, you play what you want when you want, doesn’t matter one aota to me, I just again, refer back to the original point, which was that we all know you will never play FIFA properly, as in give it any length of attention.

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