I’ve bought a new holepunch and everything

PES2017 with House Rules gave me a very decent Season 12. Season 13 has begun with the game feeling oddly becalmed.

Well, I say ‘becalmed’, but that’s not the right word. What I mean is that the game has gone into full-on manic mode. Every match in my most recent session motored along at 1000mph, with lots of mashing and thrashing and sliding about – the awful, lowest-common-denominator, ‘flowing’ gameplay that PES has sadly become rather noted for in recent years.

Session variance is to blame, I am sure. Session variance – that staple ingredient of PES’s secret sauce, which so many on the forums seem to be bizarrely unaware of, particularly around patch times.

My full squad and First XI for Season 13:

My veteran CB of last season, Antonnson, hit 81 OPR, and under the terms of my House Rules, had to be sold.

I only brought in two new players over the summer, both of them 30-something veterans in decline. DOUGLAS at CMF and ZIYECH at AMF. I couldn’t get any more. I’ve got £31m in the transfer kitty, but a salary budget of just £13k. I can’t even sign any Youths. I’ll get by with a squad of 21 players until mid-season at least.

Cristiano Ronaldo was a remarkable teenage player in real life. In PES2017, aged 18, he’s currently nothing at all, I’m half-unhappy, half-pleased to report. Ronaldo on the pitch or on the ball is the same as any other Youth player, maybe even a little worse.

The pleased side of the equation comes from being able to keep Ronaldo until he does start getting good – or gets to 81 OPR, whichever comes first.

In my real life, the recent spell of busyness is settling down. I am able to report that a reorganisation of my computing life means I will soon be able to switch a PC on and off with the same causal ease as a console.

Which is a fancy way of saying that I’m setting up my computer desk in a different, uncluttered room. I’m setting it up for dedicated use. No longer will I have to move a load of junk from the computer desk to the bed to get at the PC (and then have to move everything back again afterward – a powerful disincentive to use the thing). Those days are gone!

My aborted attempt to play PES5 a few weeks ago ended partly because of the fiddliness (at the time) of PC gaming.

But the main reason why it didn’t really take off was my feeling of unfinished business with PES2017.

What I’m saying here is that before this summer is over, I will be re-revisiting PES5 in a more concentrated fashion. Or one of the other old PES games. Probably not until August, though, as I do still have the unfinished-business feeling with PES2017.

For now, Season 13 with Saint Etienne is up and running. I started with two draws and a defeat. I don’t think I’ll be leading them back to the summit of Ligue 1 this season.

Updated: 27th June 2017 — 09:49


  1. With all the talk of PES2013, I’d love to see a return to that. If only for the BOOTS!

    Anyway, here’s a video you might like

  2. Setting myself for an epically long club/national team ML season has left me strangely reluctant to fire up PES 2017 for the time being. That PES 2018 Tommy has posted has not helped my presently depleted PES powers either. All those spins and tricks…

  3. Looks like 2017 part 2 to me.

  4. Tough crowd!

  5. Tommy – Depends what you look for in a footy game I suppose. Personally, player faces and fancy trick dribbles leave me feeling rather flat. And as Uncle Turf points out, that video looks very PES 2017-y to me.

  6. Tommy – very little I see on compilation vids like that one makes me excited me about football games in general or PES in particular. The tricksy, flicksy stuff and focus on star players is not what draws me to PES. Good marketing vid, though. Our September dollars are in Konami’s bag. It’s everyone else’s they’re worried about.

    Shed – towards the end of my season just gone I found myself looking forward to the International friendlies, and the Asia-Oceania Cup at the end was one of the highlights. If England are in any kind of competition at the end of your season, it might be the making of it. At this stage I wouldn’t feel bad about simming the occasional league match (or even International friendly) to speed things up.

  7. Snes classic anyone?

  8. Uncle Turf – I’ve seen the news and I have a sort of vicarious excitement about it, but the console completely passed me by at the time. So my answer is ‘no’.

    I dusted down that old 2010 computer I was talking about, and found my old Minecraft save intact!

    Here’s a very brief taster of the insane walling-in project I started:

    You can see the top bits where I planned to roof the thing over. My base is on the other side of this wall.

    I’ve talked so often about this little world I made back on pre-release Alpha Minecraft (before Notch had even made his first million, I believe) that it merits a full look-around. All the tunnels and outposts and towers, and of course a better look at that mega-project. I’ll get this done over the next few days.

  9. Ah, it was the console that made me so I would if it were now possible to order one. Some real old school classics on it.

    Is that made in minecraft creative mode i.e. No monsters or does it predate all that?

    Having a torrid time on 2015, the AI has been on fire scoring hatfuls of goals and causing minandinho to be dropped for his return to usual mediocrity.

  10. Uncle Turf – you’ve seen the news about the new SNES of course?

    It was Survival mode all right – I had plenty of deaths and subsequent desperate races to get all my stuff back. My old base has plenty of locales where a creeper surprised me and destroyed all my hard work. I’ll mention a few of them on my narrated walkabout.

  11. NG – I’ve seen that it sold out on pre-order within minutes of going up and there’s some doubt as to how many they will release. Despite the existing possibilities with emulators and all that I’d definitely buy one if they make more and probably just turn it on and sit there gently rocking with happiness. I won’t go down the greedy bastard eBay immediate resale route. I’d buy it for secret of mana alone but Zelda, contra wars and all that Mario….sigh.

    I’ve now won five games in the 31 I’ve played on 2015 and already am down to just three defaults in my 11 – the keeper, eborcany and castolis. That is pure new school but I’m not going to start imposing conditions.

  12. Hmm, no fouls in the gameplay on the trailer. Also no booking for Neymar for taking his shirt off in the celebration.

  13. Uncle Turf – I’d just get one if it’s that meaningful to you. I seriously wouldn’t be bothered about paying an inflated price (within reason) or any extra trouble. When the iPad came out it didn’t come out here for months after its US release, but I wanted one right now, so I bought an import via eBay for a very reasonable price (the pound-dollar exchange rate at the time meant it worked out only about 20 quid dearer, as I recall). I was delighted with the iPad when it came and it was worth all the extra cost and faffing about. Having jam today is the only way.

    Chris99 – I’ve been watching numerous trailers for a week or so now – the one Tommy posted above is one of dozens of trailers and snippets doing the rounds – and none of them feature fouls. At least we get the amusement of seeing the hardcore PES fanbase (as represented by the forums, anyway) not being very hardcore about this issue. They get all scientific and obsessed about foot planting and pitches and so on, but fouls? They’ll mention it occasionally, but it doesn’t stick in the way that faces, pitches, foot planting and so on stick.

  14. NG – impressive stuff. What material did you use to build your wall/dome?

  15. Darryl – clay. I remember regretting my choice after starting, as it meant keeping loads of furnaces going all the time, and running back to top up.

    I’ll be uploading my full video walkaround later tonight (should be up by midnight-ish). Unfortunately I only had time to walk around about half of all my various contsructions (I liked extremely long, straight corridors), and my screen recording software didn’t capture any sound – not my narrating voice, nor the game sfx – and I haven’t time to do it again, but any questions, feel free!

  16. My much-talked-about (by me) 2010 Minecraft savegame. As I mention in the vid, we get to see about 60% of what I constructed back then.

    I did record a voice-over, after the fact, so it’s a commentary instead of a narration. Excuse the sniffing. Hay fever.

    I’ll answer any questions, but perhaps the main one is something I don’t touch on in the video (I meant to). I didn’t follow any plan in anything. Worked to no design. Everything that you see happened organically, even the long straight tunnels. I.e. I never thought ‘I’m going to build me some long straight tunnels’, they just happened after I got in the groove. Ditto the wall, and the buildings, and the connecting walkways.

    I wish I’d got some footage of my main base at night with the wall under construction. The torches on the walkways really made the place look special.

  17. I couldn’t live with that I’m afraid – I hate any variation in the land around my buildings and flat earth everything. Not only do I dislike jumping I don’t like the idea of giving mobs a hidey hole so all fields are levelled and while my corridors are like yours I fill in any breaks in the wall so the whole lot is one person wide at all times. I couldn’t live underground either, I keep my mining and my sleeping quite some distance apart. What has been enjoyable is figuring out how to explore the nether without instant death. I have transported hundreds of stone blocks across and very carefully tunnelled through the flammable stuff lining the sides with the stone. It’s all very pre-Humphrey Davy and many canaries would have died to satisfy my vision.

    In 2015 I’m following my usual pattern of replacing defaults asap. Six games to go in season one and while I will likely end up bottom I will have pretty much a no default team in season two. The ridiculous misunderstanding of bosmans means payet and darmian are on their way but I’m scheduled to be a good few million in debt. It would never have been allowed or attempted under a game over/sacking ml – time to bring that back for me, but they won’t. So I’m happy to exploit it as the Spanish midfielder Manuel pass continues to give me challenges on the field.

  18. I still have Minecraft on my new PS4, but I put so much time into it and made such a massive world before I sold my old PS4, that I haven’t’ found the drive to start afresh! I didn’t have PSPlus, so never backed anything up y’see. But there’s unfinished business there, for sure. One day…

  19. Uncle Turf – the Nether was just after my time on the game and I’ve never seen it or been in it. Enough torches in a region and there won’t be any mobs, so I stuck with the rugged terrain. My dim memory so Alpha Minecraft is that the generated worlds were pretty small and I had crazed ambitions to wall and roof the whole world, and light it all with torches.

    Tommy – I haven’t played Minecraft since the savegame you see in the vid above, and won’t play it again now. The itch being well and truly scratched.

  20. They released an update for it just the other day, the second or third one since I got it. They tend to add the odd thing you can create or change the layout slightly but I have never viewed it as a story game to ‘win’ ie. build portals, visit the nether, visit the end, kill the ender dragon, etc – that all seems tacked on to satisfy a particular crowd. Had NMS been more like Minecraft’s core and not bothered with that ridiculous storyline I would still be playing it now. I’m still debating whether to go back to it, I loved the idling on planets so much, but being able to build enormous domes and mine the surface would have been amazing. As it was the caves were simply annoying places to get lost in.

    NG – You might quite like the nether, its a proper challenge to simply survive, building a house is seat of the pants stuff and requires fast initial reactions but then very careful planning.

  21. I mostly played Minecroft on my iPad. I built a rather nice glass-fronted pad in a mountainside but in creative mode as the Creepers creeped me out a bit.

    I do love me a bit of world building/exploring. With that in mind, I did fire up No Man’s Sky the other night but despite being quite into it the last time I played, returning to it I just felt utterly bored and overwhelmed with what it was I was supposed t be doing.

    Any other world building/open-worldy game recommendations would be much appreciated.

  22. “Minecroft” – an epic game where the player has to dig tunnels while fighting off angry Scottish shepherds emerging from their small stone cottages.

    Not Lego worlds shed, I feel it’s very misconceived and buggy. I still don’t get either the ‘feel’ of it or the fiddly controls. They should have just replicated minecraft in Lego. In terms of best building game surely it’s got to be civilisation? You don’t have the free hand to build anything but you can pursue certain strategies resulting in very different worlds. I did like sim city way way back but all that seems like too much hard work now. NMS is going to be the almost best game I ever played, it could have been so good.

  23. NG – I am very jealous as it looks fab. My world is quite basic in comparison. Talking of Sandbox games has anyone seen The Tomorrow Children. It looks quite interesting.

  24. Uncle Turf – there have been a couple of good solid updates to NMS since you played it last, and another one is very imminent. I have come to believe that eventually it will be the game we all thought it would be last year – but probably not yet.

    Shed – if your PC/Mac is good enough to run it, try Factorio.

    Darryl – don’t despair, my Minecraft world emerged from random, aimless gameplay rather than a plan to produce what you see – and it’s not that impressive, really. The scale might be, the ambition and so on, but my constructions themselves are quite ordinary.

  25. The latest minecraft update added parrots and llamas.

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