I throw my slipper at you

PES2011 is over, again. With all due apologies to those who suggested teams for me to play International Tournament with in PES2011, I have abandoned the game. Again.

This is the fourth time, I think, that I’ve tried to walk away. This time I think it’ll stick. My blog entries over the past several months have documented my problems with PES2011.

All I have to say now is: PES5!

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve played the PC version of PES5 quite a bit. Yes, with my old 60GB PS3 long dead (and still missed), it has to be the PC version now.

The fiddliness of playing on PC isn’t too bad, after all. And in fact I’m mostly playing it on my TV, linked up via HDMI port, with an Xbox360 controller for Windows plugged in as well.

I’ve used Macs as my main computers for several years now and I love them like the most slavering Apple fanboy you could wish to meet, but I have to admit that a Windows PC is the ultimate games console.

For at least the short term, I’ve decided to play PES5—in my view the best that PES has ever been, and sadly probably ever will be. In the longer term, we’ll see if I can stick with a renewed PES5 campaign.

Because it’s not certain that I can go back to such an old game.

I haven’t been absolutely blown away by my return to PES5. I can’t in all honesty start gushing here about the gameplay.

The game’s almost 7 years old now, and it shows in lots of little ways. There’s the frantic speed for one thing, which I am slightly getting used to. For another thing, there’s that pitch where it’s hard to see the ball…

But in lots of other ways… PES5’s still got it. You know, IT. The secret sauce that made PES the Rolls Royce of football gaming for the best part of a decade.

I’ve started a Master League on 4* difficulty (remember that!) with the Defaults. It’s just like 2004 all over again, except that I installed an Option File that wasn’t too difficult to track down. I made my own Coventry City team. Remember when the Editing screens and menus looked like this?

I’ll save the more wordy breakdown for Friday. It’s the eleventh hour for a university assignment that’s due in on Wednesday afternoon, and I do need to crack on.

Below is a video featuring two good PES5 goals, with a chunk in between them of me starting up my Master League. PES5 was the year that many of the traditional ML players ‘retired’, and they received an emotional send-off to begin with:

A brief word about the two goals above. Rooney’s first-time shot is a much-missed old-school PES specialty. With Fouque’s goal I did exactly what I had in mind to do, i.e. just whipped it inside the keeper. Both goals would be rarities on PES2011, and if deploring that means I’m shallow, well, shallow is what I’ll have to be.

Oh, and if you don’t get today’s post title, have a close listen to this.


  1. Hang on a minute, are you telling me that Jaric is a new default!?! All this time, i’ve thought he was one of the originals! I feel dirty. I won’t look at him the same way anymore.

    Some nice goals there. Though I would say that you could score them in PES2011. What was going on with that pitch? Sack the groundsman I say.

  2. Liam—that pitch was infamous back in 2004/5. Back then I kept meaning to go in and edit it out of all the teams who had it for their home stadium, but never got around to it. I think I’ll have to this time around.

    For the record, I’m nearly at the end of my first season of ML in PES5 and things are starting to click. The Defaults aren’t so bad in PES5.

    And yes, Jaric was new that year, although ‘new’ is a relative term. This was 7 years ago, remember. PES5 was released in October 2004. That’s about two decades ago in Internet time. To put it in perspective, in early 2005 after I made my first PES5 compilation video I was looking for somewhere to post it. Streaming video was still a bit of a novelty and I didn’t have a clue what to do. A friend suggested that I try this new site she’d heard of—some website called ‘YouTube’…

    Of course the two goals would be possible in PES2011, just comparative rarities as I say in the post. PES5’s shooting mechanic just permits a higher incidence of shots and goals like those, which pushes buttons in the parts of my gaming soul that PES2011 cannot reach.

  3. Ouch, I’d forgotten about that pitch! I suppose it served the purpose of making certain away games feel like very hostile and difficult environments, quite authentic.

    Wasn’t PES05 released in Oct 05? Personally I never rated it quite as highly as my all time favourites (PES03, WE GBA, PES06 PSP) as defending seemed too easy, even against top teams. Occasionally the COM would pull out an undefendable through ball, but I never got the feeling of being under sustained pressure. Still got my PS2, so must give it another try sometime…..

  4. abbeyhill—yes, it was Oct 2005 after all, not 2004. I misremembered the old-style numbering system as being out of sync with the year—but the numbers in the PS2 era weren’t even related to the years at all. They were just the number of each PES instalment. Today we get the 2011 game in 2010, etc., but it wasn’t so back in the day. That’ll teach me not to double-check things. I’ll leave my mistakes intact so this thread will make sense 😉

    Strange how we each have different takes on individual PES instalments. For me, PES5 was the super-hard one (just two or three Trebles in 40 seasons), and PES6 was the beginning of the decline. PES6 was the first PES where I had a Treble in 4 seasons, and then every season after unless I seriously messed up.

  5. PES3 was the super-hard one for me – I’d got too used to holding down R1 on PES2 (which was the first one I’d played properly) and couldn’t re-adjust. 14 seasons in D2 and then bankrupt in my first ML attempt!

  6. omg i hated that stupid pitch. i fink the only team i played with that pitch was everton in my ML. it ruined the mersyside rivalry with that stupid pitch. could hardly c the ball. i never actully really played pes 5. i cnt remeber y. lukly that pitch has been removed,
    finished my first season in ML in pes 6 and somhow managed to finihs first, after the transfer month we strted scoring goals and holding a 1-0 lead. now promoted i managed to by rowland, some keeper who iforget the name and neymar. weve currently lost 2 a drawn 1. im hoping for a mid table finish and possible win the fa cup. im enjoying pes 6 much more than pes 2011. it still seems harder to break dwon the defence and i always wnt to carry on another game and another.

  7. Which was the first PES to contain Master League? I remember I was living in Aussie at the time and I bought a dodgy chipped PS1 (not something I’m advocating obviousy) from a very dodgy guy round the back of an abandoned bar in the ‘burbs… scary the lengths you’ll go to for gaming.
    Anyway, I’ll always remember getting the unit back to my flat and discovering one of the games he’d kindly included was the latest PES… can you imagine the joy when I discovered the new game mode! Fantastic memories…

  8. abbeyhill—many apparent troubles with PES can be rectified by just laying off that sprint button. One of the many reasons I dislike online football gaming is that it’s dominated by sprint (and increasingly tailored towards sprint).

    I never mentioned it on the blog, but one of my attempts to like PES2011 involved cutting down sprint to absolute bare minimum. It seemed to work for a time, but then it didn’t.

    PES5, now, and its relative fast speed is helped by easing up on the old R1. A very productive session this morning. I’m enjoying it.

  9. ali—I felt it wouldn’t take long for you to get back in the groove on PES6. I hope the game keeps up its challenge for you. I found PES6 easier than any of its PS2 predecessors, but I know how much the game is worshipped in the community so I’ll seal my blasphemous mouth now 😉 And the main thing is that you’re enjoying it, not trying to make yourself enjoy it in the way that you (and I, and I) increasingly had to do with PES2011.

  10. Chris—was there Master League in the PS1 days? I missed out on the last few PES games on PS1, as I’d graduated to PS2. On the PS2, it started with the original PES. At least I think it did… As earlier comments show, I can easily be wrong about PES lore. My ageing memory increasingly compresses everything that happened before last week into one long blur.

  11. Nice vid. Those are the kinds of goals you see scored on a Saturday and (if you’re one of us) you think, “man, I couldn’t have scored that goal on PES.”

  12. the earliest ML i believe was in som iss pro gme on ps1. cnt remeber which one, i remeber playing it. it wasnt as detailed as the one today but you was forced to strt with default players adn not the orginal team. you would recieve points which would max out at 99 lol. once you had 99 thats it it wouldnt go any firthur. brazilian ronaldo cost 99 points as well. he was the first player i bought. oooo the memories. i never completed it as i moved onto ps2. i think i hve some ps2 gmes somwhere but somthing happened o the game and it plays in black and white now :S. i dnt think anyone developed in that ML. thats the first one i played
    not-greg – i can actully ply more than 5 games of pro 6 withpout being board or frustrated if i loose which i am currently doing. i rely heavily on my 2 striker neymar and rowland to score. im loving the challenge, i realised the patch i downloaded, everyones top speed is below 80, even messi, his is 74. there dribbling speed is normal but this was interesting, just spent 10 mins searching alot of players to buy . have a list of over 20 players.

  13. No-one will agree with me, but my favourite Pes was Pes 4. I think this was mainly due to it being my first (I know, I know, a little late to the party). I never engaged with Pes 5 as much unfortunately, due to it coming out during my first year at uni, and subsequently I didn’t play it as much as some of the others. I always remember it being super tough for me. Unlike Pes 4, you had to lay off the sprint big time to control the ball properly, and it took some adjusting to. I also really enjoyed pes 2008 on the Ps2 (Pes 7 effectively) and have probably played this one the most, as I had a period of unemployment post uni in which I played it a lot. A hell of a lot.

  14. ck—one of the things I’m (re)discovering about PES5—and I suppose old-school PES in general—is how much it stuck to that original PES ethos of representing the sport, pure and simple. You can get elephant touches in PES5, but they make sense contextually, unlike a certain next-gen effort where the elephant touches are a built-in feature. And the goals… the beautiful goals

  15. ali—that sounds like a very good patch you’ve got hold of there. I bet the PES6 gameplay is substantially changed – for the better – by lowering the speed across the board. I’ve just passed through a negotiation window myself and loved getting reacquainted with the old-style transfer system. PES2012 needs to bring back player exchange as part of the deals.

  16. Filbert—I like the notion of PES2008(PS2) as PES7. I played that game quite a lot too after quitting the next-gen version during that ill-fated year. I rate it very highly indeed, higher than PES6, possibly even second in my all-time list. Actually, PES3 would just sneak second, but PES7 (love the sound of that) easily takes at least third spot for me.

    And I had a year of unemployment during the year of PES5, and so of course I played the balls out of it and then some. 40+ seasons in Master League. It counts for a hell of a lot, the contexts in which we play these games. PES4, for me, was just another PES game—still brilliant in its own right in its own time, but I don’t remember anything in particular about it.

  17. not-greg – this patch is great, im guesssing whoever made this new about pes 6 being way to fast. with neymar dribbling speed around 93 he still cant wizz past the defender but its not as ridiculous as pes 2011. the only problem i c is when im a couple of season into the ML and the computer starts making its random players. thats when there speed will be normal. im very slowly building my team. when you dont win all the time its very hrd to get alot of money to buy players. it mean i hve to look harder for great players at cheaper prices. ive strted to scre alot of goals outside the area but overall its still challenging. i must be around the top half of the table but im defo not going to win the premiership. i played throgh half a season in one session including fa cup matches. that must be around 12ish gmes. i could only ever ply 3 games of pes 2011 before gtting board. im nt sure if ill gt pes 2012. might look for a 2012 patch for pes 6.
    overall i actully trily believe that pes 6 is better than this years fifa and pro. with the new patch as well the face detail is much better than fifa. that just makes me laugh every time i c pes 6 patch version of pacheco and compare it to fifa 2011 pacheco. makes me even happier when playin pes 6 😀 😀

  18. And the goals… the beautiful goals…

    And the variety of goals! In off the post, bumbled in by strikers or defenders, off the post off the keeper, tap-ins, laser blasts from close, rockets from distance, headed goals in traffic, diving headers, diving toe-pokes, dinks over the keeper . . . le sigh.

    PES 6 here I come — I agree with you that after a few seasons, you hit a tipping point where PES 6 rolls over for you, but until that point, it’s the best PES gaming this side of a wii. 😉

  19. not-Greg – the problem with player exchanges is they were very unrealistic in my opinion… how many mooted player exchanges actually happen in real life? When they do, one team is generally getting shafted and, in ML, it was never you. I always found on the old-style ML that you could ship out rubbish defaults to the big clubs and get an absolute steal on their quality players. This definitely contributes to the super team building that reduces the longevity for me.
    If Konami were to reintroduce player exchanges it would have to be a very considered approach as such a move could very easily break the current transfer system

  20. Ali – I think it was an ISS Pro title come to think of it; I vaguely remember the name scrawled on the disc with marker pen

  21. ali—just out of interest, have you got a link to the PES6 patch you’re using? I’m still enjoying PES5, but I might want to have at least a look at other options before going much further with it and committing to a PES5 ML.

  22. ck—I might sometimes sound like a PS2 PES6-basher, but I’m not really. What stood out for me with PES6 was a change in ethos towards a much more ‘accessible’ Pro Evo experience, and I do mean ‘accessible’ in the pejorative sense. I.e. it was the first PES where that most horrible saying about games – “I beat the game!” – could start to be applied to PES (from my POV as an average player, I mean).

    Just to prove that I’m not, strictly speaking, anti-PES6, over the next few days I’ll be taking a look at the PC version with this super-sounding patch.

  23. Chris—I know what you mean, I just part-exchanged Burchet for a top, top player—a current superstar who was still an up-and-coming youngster in 2005! I’ll reveal all tomorrow, but yes, it was a steal, and only the ability to part-exchange Burchet let me afford the new player.

    A toggle on/off option for player exchanges in the PES2012 transfer system would satisfy all parties, but I don’t think it could work, as they’d need to design two separate economic systems for each option. So I think we won’t ever see player exchanges brought back.

  24. not-greg – i never actully knew there were patches with this much detail init. if you do download it im sure you wil enjoy it.

  25. ali—er, thanks for the links, which I’ve had to remove! I’m sure we all know what links I mean, but just on the off-chance that Konami legal ever perform one of their signature stumble-animations across this little blog…

    I do own a copy of PES6, so all I needed was the patch, I’ll see if it’s available on its own. Thanks though.

  26. not-greg – that was just the patch?? it dosnt come with the game. the 7.8 gb is the whole patch its self. the video is to show you where to out each file in what folder.

  27. ali—a 7.8 gb patch?! A patch almost twice the size of the entire capacity of a DVD?! What the heck is in that thing?

    I’ve still got the link so I’ll have a close look later. But I might just change the West Midlands Village etc myself!

  28. not-greg – lol i dnt actully think you need all the patch, just the part 1 of the files. the other parts im guesing are in a different language e.g. fifa 11 commentry part 1 is english. part 2 is german or whatever and so on. wtch the youtube video to see what parts you actully need.

  29. not-greg – if you only downnload wht u need it should only be 1.38gb and not 7.8gb.

  30. ali—ok, thanks for the info. I like that about torrent files, being able to select parts of a download. It’ll be tomorrow at the earliest, or even next week, before I can test it all out. My little holiday is over and I’m back at work 🙁

  31. actually, wasn’t it ‘throw my sister at you’ rather than slipper?

  32. abbeyhill—no, it’s definitely “I throw my slipper at you”—have a really close listen, and it’s very clearly ‘slipper’. Ignore the actual lyrics posted anywhere. They lie.

  33. Grilled Seabass

    off-topic, but I finally finished Uncharted 2. My early impressions were wrong – it is a truly excellent game. It was amazing set piece after amazing set piece. Fantastic locations, graphics and a solid combat engine. Glad I played through it.

  34. Grilled Seabass—Uncharted 2 is the only game I’ve finished in a long, long time. For all that I’m critical of its linearity and etc., it ensured that I did play it all the way through. I think you would love Uncharted 1 as much or even more. By now it should be dirt-cheap from all the usual places. It’s less ‘hand-holdy’ than the sequel and the puzzles are a lot better/more annoying (depending on your POV), and it’ll acquaint you properly with the characters ahead of U3 later this year.

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