“Header too…”
I’ve made a pretty good start here in Superleague Division 1, considering that I’m running under several self-imposed rules designed to make this game—the easiest-ever PES—a bit more difficult, at least for a time.
Game 4 of the season was against AC Milan. I worked off some of the bad feeling from my game against Real Madrid with a relatively straightforward 2-0 win.
The best of my goals was from Rasnic. The enigmatic AMF seems to pick and choose his games to play well, but always delivers the goods when he does—
—I like this goal because it’s a pretty rare example (for me) of a first-time snapshot on the turn.
Next-gen PES2008 has a built-in pause when human players receive the ball in and around the edge of the box. The pause only lasts for a split-second but it’s definitely there. It’s most noticeable when receiving the ball in a good position to shoot from long distance. The game enforces a slight delay before letting you try the shot. This pause usually makes quick turns and first-time snapshots like the Rasnic one above pretty difficult or actually impossible—the CPU players swarm all over you before you have a chance to shoot. (I’m going to be talking about that pause a lot over the next week.)
Another thing that I’ve just noticed is a very strange line of commentary from John Champion that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Occasionally when you have a headed shot, he’ll say something like “Header too!” Or is it “Header two”? Or “Header to”? Whichever one it is, it is complete nonsense. Unless I’m drastically mishearing the line. Which I might be.
I must have heard the line a couple of hundred times by now, but it was only this morning that I thought, hang on, “Header too”? What the hell?
Perhaps the controversy raging in my mind put me off my stride a little. I lost my next game against Espanyol 2-1. It was not a good game. Thankfully I returned to form in the next game, which ended Atletico Madrid 0-3 Singers FC.
That was more like it, and keeps me in amongst the big boys at the top of the table. All in all I’ve got to be very happy with the opening of this season.
Ah, The Pause.
The PS2 version has that lovely little bit of annimation/scripting as well (CYSB). Along with the pause, it has the Windmill, the Snail and the dreaded Ass Paralysis” and the “windmill.
The Windmill is when a player in tight space in the box decides to wind his leg as far back as he can go for the shot, providing the defense enough time to close him down and take the ball. A Full Windmill is when the defender takes the ball, and the player kicks only air. A Perfect Windmill is when the player who just kicked air falls down.
The Snail Pass is my nemesis, because I like to play carpet ball and build up slowly, with short passes, looking for the easy goal. The Snail Pass is when players pass the ball within the box at a snail’s pace. The same players who were briskly whipping the rock around in midfield can’t get the ball ten meters in the box without doing it so . . . slowly . . . the defense can close it down (or intercept it).
Combine a Snail with a Windmill for double the fun.
And my favorite is the dreaded Ass Paralysis. Using some unknown Qin Na Kung Fu technique, opposing players are able to run up to my players’ back and *paralyze* them (i can only assume it has something to do with their hands on my players ass). My players will stop moving, and let defenders just have their way while they (I am sure) struggle to come to grips with the enormity of what has just happened to them.
I’d get them some PTSD therapy, but it isn’t in the Team Training menu.
I heard that ‘header too’ thing and thought I was mis-hearing it.
Goes to show maybe I wasn’t losing it after all, makes no sense what-so-ever.
Annoyingly for me it almost always says when I head it miles wide of the net! (what a cunt)
While we are moaning about PES, I just got screwed out of the Division 1 Cup by the phenomenon known only as ass-paralysis. I need a goal to get back into the 4-3 final i’m losing (due to super rooney being unstoppable) and on the 85th minute as i’m clean in on goal with an EMPTY NET- the defender stops Gignac moving. That’s right standing behind me he illicits a disturbing “ungh” from Gignac who then proceeds to stand there and let the keeper scramble onto the ball. The game finished 5-3 in the end thanks to another (the 3rd of the day) super-unstopable last minute corner. Unsurprisingly Gignac went into the next game with a blue-arrow on form. I don’t blame him..
Poor Gignac! Ass Paralysis can be an extremely traumatic condition!
what really annoys me is the referee playing on until the CPU scores.
i was knocked out the cup in the 9th minute of added time by a free kick from 40yrds out.
On the goalies side aswell….
oh sorry to spam up but i think its “header or Two”
I have played on over 8 games now, and Gignac is a shadow of his former greatness..
Sometimes people just can’t come back from trauma like that… I guess it’s 19 year old Conway that has to step up to the 1st team now, the next game is at Manchester United again. I wonder how he will feel stepping out into the “Theatre of Dreams” the very arena where Gignac suffered his career ending nightmare.. It will be billed as one of the biggest games in world football, not least because of where we are in the table, and the fact that they beat us for the cup. This will be the story of whether the young protege can step up, and avenge the fallen master or if the massively overrated defenders can have their wicked way with yet another innocent, talented striker..
It’s Manchester United versus Bangor FC and it’s live!
ck – the Pregnant Pause (I’ll think of a better name for it in the next few days) is just one of the ways that long-distance shooting has been ‘nerfed’ this year. That would be okay with me – it was a tad bit overpowered in the last few versions – but did they have to do it like this? With an uncontrollable pause just after receiving the ball?!
paul & bostongoals – whatever the offending phrase is, it makes no sense at all!
Not Given – deep breath. Relax. Deep breath… actually, deep breathing is one of the worst things you can do to relieve anxiety, as I found to my cost in my post-drug years, but that’s another story. Sounds like you’re getting well and truly immersed in your ML! Who is this Gagnac player? If/when my transfer embargo lifts, I might have to take a look.
There’s a varaition of the Pregnant Pause that I noticed today that only applies when your player recieves the ball (usually with his back to goal) and wants to turn on an angle.
The player will softly play the ball in the indicated direction, elegantly pause, then leisurely take his first touch, allowing defenders to close him down, and / or take the ball away.
I call this variant, The Ballet Pause for its graceful and delicate rythym.