Writing frightening verse to a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg
What do I know about Luxembourg? I know that its football team used to be the kind that England would routinely thump 9-0. (Those were the days.) I know that it is one of the practically-infinite number of places I would like to visit but never will. I know that it appeared in one of the most famous (to me) song lyrics ever, which forms the title of this post.
I also know that Luxembourg thumped me 6-0 in my first proper game of Sensible Soccer on the Xbox360. I was playing as England. I didn’t have a clue what to do or how to play. I couldn’t pick up loose balls. I couldn’t pass. I couldn’t shoot. One button to do everything? Eh?
Yes, I’ve finally got an Xbox360. There it is, sitting on the shelf in my bedroom. I bought it last week, along with a few games. (Among them was a rather forlorn-looking copy of LMA Manager 2007. At just £5 from GameStation’s pre-owned shelves, it would have been rude not to pick it up. I might cover LMA Manager on this blog if I end up playing it to any great extent.)
I never played games in the 1990s. The reasons for this are too complex to go into, but in a nutshell: the 1990s was a gap decade for me not just in terms of gaming, but in terms of life. I was unemployed and/or drunk and/or stoned for most of it. Gaming did not exist.
Consequently, Sensible Soccer is a franchise that I’d never played until just a few days ago here in 2008. I know. Shocking. For a football gaming enthusiast never to have played Sensible Soccer is a little like a literature fan never having read Shakespeare. Or if not Shakespeare, then at least Marlowe.
A few years ago I did play the demo of Sensible Soccer 2006 on the PS2. The screen juddered every few seconds and gave me a headache and I didn’t play it again. What a disaster that game was, I now know.
Sensible Soccer on the 360 is a different proposition. ‘Sensi’ aficionados assure me (indirectly) that it is a faithful reproduction, in glorious HD graphics, of the 1990s Amiga original. That’s good enough for me.
A football simulation this is definitely not. I’ve played about 20 games so far – all single-player. It’ll be a very long time before I dare to show my virtual face online. A review stated that new Sensi players faced “a very steep learning curve”. Understatement of the year.
I replayed England-Luxembourg several times, as all of the Sensi forum gurus advised. Play as a top team against a lesser team. Right. After a couple of thumpings, I started to kind of get what Sensi is all about. (One button? One button?!)
Here’s my first goal. I have no idea how it went in. Aftertouch, or something. This clip’s mobile phone video production standards are even lower than usual. I never thought I’d ever say that.
When I moved back to Kansas and started supporting the Wizards (Kansas...
Ah, the Smiths, the 80’s… Your age is showing, Greg. And so is mine.
I must admit I have NEVER played Sensible Soccer. Never even heard of it.
I was kept away from gaming in the 90’s too, mainly because I was too busy making music. Speaking of which, since I noticed you’re a man of good taste, I thought I’d plug my band here. Check us out at http://www.postalblue.net or http://www.last.fm/music/postal+blue.
Since you’re a Smiths fan, you will especially enjoy this song: http://www.lastfm.com.br/music/Postal+Blue/_/I+Took+The+Love+You+Were+HidinPostal+Blue
You need to be registered to last.fm to listen to it, though. Which you should already be anyway, since it’s a great way to get introduced to new stuff.
I think I can tell already that Sensible Soccer would have been great in the 90s, drugs, drunkenness and all. It’d given you something to do instead of working.
Looks like your getting desperate!
I’d rather read about FIFA than this lol. I’m a self confessed graphics-whore so things like that I just can’t play but even modern mobile phones have better graphics than that lol.
More buttons too
Mirandinha – Wordpress held your comment for moderation until I approved it! Must have been because of the links. I *am* registered with last.fm but haven’t logged in there in a mighty long time. I’m just in from work and will check out your music tomorrow (day off). Is there anything embarrassing in there? I’ll post here about what I think, but be warned: music ended for me on the day The Smiths broke up.
ck – Sensible Soccer’s a grower, it really is. The reviews lavished it with nostalgic praise, saying it is the perfect antidote to “all those overwrought football sims”. I see what they’re getting at, but it’s not really a football game. It’s a game based on football, but it’s good in its own way. I was stunned to find that it has a full career mode that rivals anythign you’ll find on PES on FIFA. The Coventry City squad is the authentic mid-90s one, with Ogrizovic et al. I think I’ll turn to it for light relief on occasion. I have so many other games to play now, including the new Xbox360 influx – especially the mighty Bioshock. I’m also an RPG fan and I picked up a copy of Disgaea for the PSP a few weeks ago… Big mistake. The game is eating me alive. I can’t put it down.
paww2k8 – I’m not getting desperate…. honest. I had to work long, long shifts this weekend. Apart from a few hours in the mornings and a few minutes at night, I’ve had no internet access at all. So I knocked off yesterday’s and today’s posts on Friday evening, knowing I’d have no chance to do anything else. And they had to be about something other than PES, because I’ve had no chance to play it. I’ve had the FIFA Quadruple video on the backburner for a while, knowing this weekend was coming. The Sensi post was a true last-minute job. I could have just not posted at all but I’m aiming to keep up the one-post-per-day record indefinitely.
By the by, Sensible Soccer on the 360 is in full HD and looks great. My video does rather make it look shoddy. I’ve posted a screenshot taken from the game up there in the post itself.
The coming week and the forseeable future is going to be PES2008 all the way. I’ve started seeing the bad in FIFA08 all too clearly and I’m itching to get back to the mother of all football games – PES. I’ll talk about that over the next few days.
What do you mean by embarrassing? I’m a professional musician, mate.:-) I have released 4 records to date, not that that’s an indication of quality, but it’s not half-assed at all.
Btw, you’re missing out on a lot of good stuff if you disregard everything that came out after The Smiths broke up. Even Morrissey released a couple of good records.
I think I didn’t explain myself properly, I didn’t mean desperate for things to write about. I meant desperate in looking for a football game that you can play consistently.
Mirandinha – I was joking, joshing, horsing around on both fronts. I was exaggerating my reaction to The Smiths breaking up (although not by much…). As long as you’re not doing Elvis impersonations it’ll be fine by me (I hate Elvis).
paww2k8 – PES2008 has made me sample titbits from everywhere, yes. But I think I’m seeing things a little more clearly lately. I’ve used up my half-hour on the internet for this evening now so I’ll try to put it in tomorrow’s post.
I was very depressed when the Smiths broke up too, but at least the Stone Roses were around, and the shoegazer movement was just beginning. I was half-joking about my ‘professionality’. It’s meant to be professional, but still it’s a very indie thing.
Mirandinha – wow, that’s one hefty Smiths influence I hear there! I approve. The guitar sound is almost exactly Smiths-like. When I heard that first song on your own website my first thought was actually Talking Heads. I think it was the singer’s David Byrne-like voice that did that. I know, it’s crass to talk about music by comparing to other acts and ‘influences’ etc. Just my first impressions. I can’t find my last.fm login now so haven’t listened to those yet.
Talking Heads? Really? Nobody ever said I sound like David Byrne. Stuart Murdoch, yes. Nick Drake (surprisingly), yes. Mariel (from the Pale Saints), yes, but David Byrne is totally new. That’s me playing the guitar too, btw.
I always get a kick out of comparisons. It’s all about each person’s frame of references. I could go on and say that I’ve never ever meant to sound like The Talking Heads, but if you think there’s a similarity, there must be something there.
I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying Bioshock. A friend of mine worked on that team, and he practically killed himself getting that game ready. They are button-bursting proud of it, and from what I hear, rightly so (as I don’t have a 360, I haven’t played it).
I’ve got Bioshock for my PC its a quality game, if a bit odd at times. One I always recomend playing.
ck – tell your friend that Bioshock is the Citizen Kane of gaming. I’m several hours into it and it continues to astonish me. Easily the most atmospheric game I’ve ever played. The most affecting, too. With the 360 I also got Halo3 and Assassin’s Creed, and they’ve had no more than a token half-hour’s play each. Ayn Rand writ large in a video game! Would she have approved, or not? (I think not.)
paww2k8 – Bioshock is meant to be odd, I think. It’s meant to unsettle. Despite reading so much about it beforehand I was still expecting a standard FPS with bells and whistles, but it’s so, so much more.
Mirandinha – it’s the crooning David Byrne I’m thinking of. I can kind of see the Nick Drake comparison too, although I only know Nick Drake from a couple of documentaries on TV a year or two ago. I’m not a big music fan these days. But the overall pitch of your voice is very – dare I say it – in the Morrissey zone.
Morrissey was certainly a big influence, though the name I hear all the time is Stuart Murdoch of Belle & Sebastian, whose voice sounds uncannily like mine (or vice versa).