PES Chronicles

When Elcherino plays, I score a shedload of goals and I win. It’s as simple as that. Sure, I might concede a few goals. I still haven’t got enough good players all over the park to shut out the CPU.

When Elcherino doesn’t play, I still win – most of the time. My other new players are pretty good in their own right. Altintop and Caracciolo have scored a couple between them. Jackson got a header from a corner.

I haven’t lost a game since the mid-season negotiations. I’ve lifted myself up to 12th in the league – mainly on the back of getting just one player.

Espanyol, one of Division 2’s strongest teams, fell victim to the Elch. He ran riot for me, scoring another hat trick in a 4-0 demolition.

Due to fitness, the man of the moment was missing from a game against Celtic where I struggled to get the ball for long, long periods. I drew that one 0-0 – one of the very few 0-0 draws I’ve ever had in PES2008.

Elcherino was back on the pitch and still on form in a 3-0 win against Genoa – this time he ‘only’ got himself a brace.

To round off this set of matches, Elcherino returned fully-fit to the starting line-up against Blackburn. Here’s the score, and the scorer:

Blackburn 1-5 Singers FC (Elcherino 5)

Below is a single short video showing three of Elcherino’s goals from these matches. The last goal is a nice straightforward wonder-strike. The first two are bog-standard dribble-and-shoot goals. I barely even watch the replays any more. I have to re-emphasise that I really am playing this game on the hardest difficulty settings. Behold this tangle of thorns:

That’s 14 goals in four games from Elcherino. After scoring five against Blackburn, he was rated 9.5 in the post-match screen; again, no other member of the team rated anywhere close to him.

The standard Elcherino goal: get the ball anywhere on the pitch, then run at the opposition, dribble insanely in any and every direction, twist out of dead-ends, double back, loop the loop – and score.

The sad thing about PES2008 (next-gen) is that these goals are not peculiar to the Elcherino-style superstar players. They can be scored with too many players too often for comfort.

I’m not really enjoying the game at the moment.

I could introduce a very strict House Rule. I could allow myself no players of above-average ability.

It would mean having no good players at all. None. And I ask myself: what’s the point of Master League without the various thrills of struggling to improve, and nurturing young players, and then guiding them through their years of superstardom? Why should I have to play in shackles just to accommodate this game’s deficiencies?

I could abandon PES2008 altogether. I should abandon it. I’ve only hung on this far due to stubborn sentimentality. Behind the gorgeous next-gen facade, the game’s a broken, arcadey mess.

It hurts but it’s true.