PES Chronicles

So I was finding this game easy, was I? Well. Playing against West Ham, they mugged me straight from kick-off and went 1-0 up. No problem, I thought. I can still score one more than you. And I did. I won the game 2-1. Wow. This Master League really is turning out to be the proverbial walk in the park…

Er. Not yet it’s not.

The first murmurings of rebellion within the CPU ranks came from Tottenham in the Division 1 Cup. Having won this trophy with relative ease last season, I felt protective of it. I was, as they say, up for the cup.

The game was at their ground. I didn’t lose the game. It ended 0-0. But it was… peculiar. It felt as if the game was destined to be a 0-0. So many games in PES always seem to be pre-determined in some way. Scripted.

Next up were the mighty Chelsea. The only thing I remember about playing them last year was that my then first-choice goalkeeper, Kim U Don’t, chose to run away from the goal when faced with a Chelsea striker one-on-one.

This game was an eye-opener. PES2008 had woken up and noticed me winning virtually every game at a canter. This was the game where all of that had to end.

Chelsea started in ‘God Mode’ and stayed that way. They won 1-0. I picked up my first red card of the season – Delgado, for two yellow card offences.

Despite the relentless pressure from Chelsea I managed to keep them at bay for the most part, and somehow managed to finish the match with 60% possession. They had 6 shots all game. I had a massive 21 shots, half of which were on target. Half of those were shots that could and arguably should have resulted in goals. In this game, they either whistled over or were miraculously slapped wide by Cech.

Yes, the goalkeeper was world class, and this was a world class team I was up against, but… something smelt strongly of fish. We’ve all been there. You know what I’m talking about.

Next up were Blackburn – at home – and another rather turgid, apparently pre-determined game that ended 0-0. I was starting to get paranoid.

Finally, I was thrashed by Manchester United. I took the lead early on with a jammy goal from Schwarz. Whew, I thought. Back on an even keel. But it was all downhill from there on.

The magic threesome of Ronaldo and Tevez and Rooney had fire in their boots. I found it impossible to defend against Ronaldo’s quick feet on the ball in and around my box. Before the game, he had apparently glugged a Potion of Invinciblilty.

Whatever I did, Ronaldo did the opposite. If I stood off him, he ran around me. If I double-teamed him, he ran between my players as they stood like statues, ignoring any and every button-press. If I slide-tackled him, he evaded the tackle. There was little or nothing wrong with my timing, mostly. I swear. It seemed to be a case of the CPU blatantly gaining an advantage by using its foreknowledge of what button combos and directions I was pressing.

We’ve seen it before, to a lesser extent, in PES5 and PES6. In those games, the CPU used its foreknowledge to evade slide tackles in particular areas of the pitch – usually the wings. In PES2008, when it wants to, the CPU does it all the time all over the pitch. (So I rather bitterly think, anyway.)

The resulting 10/10 stellar match performance from Ronaldo may be a fair reflection of the Portugeezer’s sublime real-life skills, but is it fair to a human player in a computer game? Sniff. Maybe I’ll man-mark him next time.

After this batch of games, I’ve dropped to 4th in the league table. Despite my paranoid misgivings about the CPU shamelessly abusing its knowledge of what I planned to do, I feel slightly relieved. I was hoping that PES2008 still had a curveball to throw me. It looks like it has plenty.

It’s a calendar month (give or take a day or two) since PES2008 came into my life, and I’ve put together a special little something to mark the occasion. It’s an actual movie, with a soundtrack and everything…

The four-minute movie is a compilation of goals from my PES2008 Master League career so far. Most of them have already been posted. A few are so far unseen, including a 30-yard first-timer from Boyd and a fine finish from Andy Cole. We haven’t got to them yet in the story of season 2011. I’ve also included a couple of the most memorable goals scored against me by the pesky CPU.

Unlike my PES5 movies of yore, this one is not very polished. In the time I had available, I just sort of threw together everything I had, stuck a vaguely poignant-sounding music track on it, and hoped for the best.

(Hmmm. Throwing things together and hoping for the best. Was that how things went down at Konami HQ in the weeks before PES2008’s release? <<<Satire.)

The movie’s video quality is necessarily poor. I have so far always used a mobile phone camera to make clips. I won’t be buying a PC version of this game, so unless somebody somewhere comes up with a way to directly convert the PS3 save files into high-quality clips, that’s the way it’ll stay. Charitable observers may judge the mobile phone footage to be ‘arthouse’ in style.

Don’t slash your wrists when you hear the music. It adds to the deliberate ‘arthouse’ feel, I hope. You can watch a thousand game movies made by fans that have skater rawk music in the background. I choose the music for my game movies with care. (Check out my PES5 movies – links in the sidebar – for other ‘individual’ choices of music.)

Should anybody out there be crazy enough to actually want a copy of the original .wmv movie file, I’ll upload it to a file-sharing site the next time I get a chance – probably on Monday afternoon (26/11) – and update this post accordingly.