PES Chronicles

Every now and then in PES, you have a ‘perfect game’.

I have always struggled to play against Holland in ISS and PES games. Their status in the games reflects their real-life status among the world’s leading football nations. The likes of Italy, Argentina, and Brazil enjoy similar exalted PES profiles, but I rarely have the same trouble with them as I do with Holland. They’re my international bogey team.

I played my usual 4-3-3. I left Owen in the starting line-up, and out on the wing. After seeing Rooney’s real-life chest and volley against Russia on Wednesday, I remembered that his real strength is directly in front of goal, not out on the wings. The only change I made to the team otherwise was to drop Beckham for Lampard. Sorry, Becks. Time moves on.

Straight from the kickoff I stormed forward with Rooney and Joe Cole, one-twoing my way through the right side of the Dutch defence. On Top Player difficulty this is where I usually simply run into a couple of defenders who hustle me off the ball. Not so this time. I played a lofted through ball to Rooney on the outer edge of the box… I thought about going for the first-time volley. Was art about to imitate life? But I thought better of it, took a touch to steady myself – and lashed the ball past Van der Sar. 1-0 within the first minute.

Just before half-time, after surviving about half a dozen seriously close efforts on my goal, I had a breakaway. Owen clean through on the left. I love it when I get a breakaway on PES, especially after several minutes of CPU pressure. I streaked towards the box with Owen, two Dutch defenders sprinting after me – and gaining. Yeah, right. Van der Sar advanced. I was still further out than I would have liked, but experience has taught me that if you don’t get your shot away early, the game will punish you. So I shot. The ball zipped neatly into the top corner of the net. 2-0.

I made it 3-0 early in the second half. It was nothing like as satisfying as the first two goals. It was a deflected John Terry header from a corner – an own goal, really, but the game can’t tell sometimes. (What was John Terry even doing up there in the box? PES is so random sometimes.)

With such a comfortable lead I didn’t have to worry about defending. The natural result of not worrying about doing something is that you do that thing much better. The game ended 3-0 to me.

I also won my final group match against Turkey and finished top of the group. My first knockout game is against… Russia. Boo.

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• England 2, France 1 (AET)